Anything But Gray

I, am NOT, pregnant.
That is just a very poor fitting shirt and I have gained some weight.

Just so everyone is aware that *I* am aware…..
I need to get off my butt and start working out again.

Announcement over….
<wink>

Today was Jaime's last day of school.

And me being the sentimental sap that I am went to the school about an hour before school was out so I could hang out with the kids and Jaime, one last time…<rolling eyes> I know, I know….go ahead, make fun of me, but you know, I've been volunteering in Jaime's classroom for the better part of two years and I really adore these kids. I enjoy spending time with them and I just wanted one last hour with them. I will miss them. And I wanted to be there for Jaime, I had a feeling the good bye would be tough for her. I'm glad I went because it was tough for her and hopefully me being there for her, helped. My poor baby cried and it made me cry. I have been in her shoes so many, many times in my life and it just made my heart break for her because I know what she is feeling….

Jaime last day auke bay may 2008 (48) edited

Jaime last day auke bay may 2008 edited

<sigh> Good-bye's SUCK.

But all in all, she wound up okay…she cried on the way home but she pulled herself together and has been fine the rest of the night. Yay!! Broken hearts that Mommy's can't fix really, really suck and I'm glad she seems okay now.

Today was another last. All four of us girls (Danielle, Kim, Rachel and me) got together for a lunch for Danielle's birthday and our "last lunch" with the four of us. I had the waiter take a picture. I just love how my shirt is all bunched up on my friggin' boob, but whatever, it's a great picture. I am so glad we did this!

The last lunch may 28 2008 (2) edited

From left to right…Kim, Danielle, me and Rachel.

Man, when I look at this I realize just how much we all have seen each other through….weddings, babies, new jobs, moves, new houses, medical issues, the highs and lows of marriage…..I could go on and on.  These women have  meant so much to me over the years and they are attached to so many memories. I wish I could box them up and take them with me….I love my history with these ladies and I know we'll keep in touch and make many more memories…maybe not the Saturday nights of downing 5 bottles of red wine, or impromptu walks, or stopping by because they are in the neighborhood….but we'll find a way to make some new amazing memories because they are amazing women and just being their friend has made my life better and I don't care how many miles away I am…I plan on keeping them in my life. 🙂

I'm late, but oh well…..

Love

• getting a "sign", if you will. I know this move is going to work out just fine because of this "sign". I can't say on my blog what it is yet.
• fixing Ceci's myspace page so I can see my comments now. (she doesn't hardly go to her myspace page but I like leaving her messages anyway…lol)
• cool emails from friends
  
• my family and friends from back home being excited about our arrival.
• sunshine in Juneau
  
• The absolute remarkable beauty of Juneau….17 years and I still can't get over how breathtakingly beautiful it is here when it is sunny
  
• my kids loving being outside in this weather
• getting my hair done
• lunch dates with my girlfriends
• the daydream of my old best friend and Ceci being "in-laws" someday.  Long story…!!
  

Loathe

• being down to one car. Although it's for a good cause, it's a royal pain in the ass
• being a chicken about cutting off my hair. Think Halle Berry short (not the pregnancy do..before that…)
• economy being so bad
• gas prices
• the knot I get in my stomach when I think about leaving here
• the last day of school for Jaime
• having five million things to do and only having 24 hours in a day, 6 of which I have to spend sleeping
• sleep..what a waste of time it is sometimes..
• packing
• having to press out my hair. I am so LAZY sometimes….geez
• being stressed.
• knowing we're breaking Ceci's heart.

It's my friend Danielle's birthday today.

She is such an amazing, kind, considerate and fun friend.

I met her when I worked at the travel agency and to be honest, she wasn't someone I immediately gravitated to. I liked her but it just seemed like we didn't have a whole lot in common. She seemed too "good girl" to like someone like me. And not good girl in a bad way, but metaphorically she seemed to be from the "right side of the tracks" while I was someone who was most definitely from the "wrong side of the tracks."  I am glad that I never let my impression of her close my mind because over time, as we did more things together and we got to know each other, I realized my impression of her was wrong. She is such a strong person and has been through more than I ever gave her credit for, in the beginning. And she is someone who just "gets me".  She is an awesome listener and knows when I'm looking for advice and when I just want to vent. And she makes me laugh..she's so light hearted and has such a kind spirit…my soul feels at ease when I'm around her. Life just feels easier….

Danielle moved out of town for about 6 years and I really missed her. We kept in touch while she was gone, but not tons. One night when she had first moved back to town we were hanging out and I was talking about something pretty crazy. Some wild night I had had with some friends. The conversation went a bit deeper than just what actually took place that night but how I felt about what had happened. I was very open with my thoughts and feelings with her and I was a little nervous of how she would see me after the conversation. It was the most open I had ever been with her. Although we were what I would call close friends over the years, when she moved back and the total and utter happiness I felt, I knew she was a forever friend.  With that conversation that night came the realization that this was a friendship that I would have for the rest of my life, she was someone I felt comfortable with to really tell everything too. Those friends I pick wisely. I am genuinely picky with the people I fully and completely open up with. And when we talked about the things we talked about and I felt completely comfortable….I realized how much she meant to me.  Well later that night I get an email from her….it said something along the lines of her enjoying hanging out and thanks for your kindred spirit. It was the perfect email for that night. She also sent me a link to a song in the email.

This song will forever be etched in my mind to Danielle and that night on my back porch.
And it is SUCH an awesome song.
A wish I wrote it song.
And it's my song on my myspace page….
(this is whole other post but it reminds me of Ceci too)

Thank you Danielle….for being such a wonderful friend.
And I hope you had a wonderful birthday!
I love you!

Oh….I need to add to the list of awesomeness that is Danielle.
She is one hell of a host!

🙂

I took a quick nap tonight.
I busted my butt packing today and I just needed to relax for an hour or so.

I woke up from a really odd dream. Well, not odd but I woke up from a dream of someone that I haven't seen or even thought about in YEARS.  It was really odd to dream of this person…..

The dream was quick and pretty uneventful….in my dream we were living back home, I "knew" we were in the Fitchburg/Ashburnham area but it LOOKED like my childhood neighborhood in Boston. It was me, Zak and my brother and we had just left a store and we were walking to a truck. (it was "ours" but it was a big pickup..we don't own a big pickup..) Some guy that was really big (almost as big as Zak) was standing in between our truck and the truck that was parked next to us. Zak goes to the passenger door and opens it to let me in (he always opens doors for me) and I get in thinking how dumb this guy is for not moving. I don't even look at the guy and just get in. I said something to Zak and before he shuts the door, this big guy leans in and like taps me on the shoulder, well more like a friendly shove than a tap and says something to me…..and I look at the guy and I immediately recognize him and I jump out of the truck and yell "Oh my God Sean! Hi!" and give him a huge hug. I was thrilled to see him…..I haven't seen this guy in over 17 years and I woke up thinking "oh my gosh, I can't believe I saw Sean….shit, shit, SHIT….I'm awake…that was a dream, dammit!"
I was so disappointed for a split second. And that is EXACTLY why I hate dreams! I hate when reality hits. It completely sucks!

This guy was a guy I hung out with a bit in my teenage years. I met him through the "CB crowd". When I first went out on my own at 16, I hung out with this huge group of people and everyone had cb radios in their cars and we all had handles and there had to be well over 100 of us. And there were groups within the group. It was a lot of fun. Sean liked me romantically and I was into him but I was not into going with someone exclusively. So we never really hooked up. But we hung out and I really liked him a lot. His name on the cb was Major Tom and I always loved it. I haven't thought of him in so long, it's really surprising that I would dream of him.

I always wonder what that means, when these random people from your past show up in a dream.
Was there something significant that you learned in that relationship that you need to know now and apply to your life? Or are they just saying hi?

See…I analyze crap entirely too much.
stupid dreams….
lol. 

So I finished our "we're moving" card yesterday.

Moving card 1 picture

I'm happy with it, not thrilled, but it'll work.
I am thrilled with the little poem I wrote.

It says:

horrible images your mind can think up in exactly 1.5 seconds?
I do and do you want to know how I came about this little gem of knowledge?
I'll do a little over sharing here….

I went to the doctor the other day. I wanted to do a GYN appointment before we moved so I wouldn't have to deal with finding a new doctor right away when we move. I love our doctor.  I have been going to him since I got pregnant with Jaime and I am super comfortable with him.  So when my feet are up in the stir ups and I've scooted my butt down to the end of the table and Dr. Wonderful rolls over on his stool and assumes the inspection position, I'm completely at ease. Zak is standing at the side of the table up by my head and we're just chatting and I'm waiting for the doctor to do his thing and get out of there so I can go about my day. The doctor pauses and asks "Can I ask you a cosmetic question?"

There.
Right there, in that split second after the question was asked, I fit about 5 thousand horrible ideas of what he could possibly want to know! I thought to myself…"okay, I know they aren't pretty but I didn't think mine was any worse than other one I've seen" "Is something deformed and I haven't noticed?" Do I have a scar from childbirth?" "What the hell could he want to know!"
All this and MORE went through my head in that second.

And then he goes on to tell me he was just curious if I got a brazillian wax done because one of his patients does at a local spa and she keeps getting ingrown hairs that get infected and he was wondering how common that was among his patients. I told him "No, I just shave every shower, which works just fine for me."  And then we had a conversation about the merits of shaving or waxing.

Cracked me up and I had no problem having the conversation, like I said I'm super comfortable with this doctor, but the question and the timing of the question is what made me laugh.

I mean, come on…what would you think if your GYN peered at your naked girl parts and asked
"Can I ask you a cosmetic question?"

See?

Scary!

Loathe

• kids that won't go to bed because it's "not dark out yet" (keep in mind, this is Alaska, it doesn't GET dark until like 10-11pm in the summer)
• kids that refuse to put on shoes
• uncomfortable seats
• my hair looking like shit
• nights that get away from me
• Ceci being so busy
• my sister still being really beat up from her surgery

Love

• old songs
• getting super exciting news from my niece (she's gonna move with us, about a month and a half later..)
• things falling into place perfectly
• red wine (thanks kim! ha…)
• cleaning something and having it look AWESOME…(what can I say..I'm easy to please)
• those few precious minutes in the morning when Ceci stops by to say hi

thy niece's phone.

I spent about 2 years DYING for a blackberry. I wanted one so bad. Zak got me one last year for our anniversary. And when I got it I was PSYCHED. Having my email accessible has come in handy more than once. Also having instant messenger right there always has been AWESOME. All in all I am so in love with the conveniences that having my blackerry brings. The actual phone itself?  Meh, not so much….and I hate that it doesn't have a camera. I am a picture FREAK (<gasp>No?? yes, really..ha) and there are so many times I'd snap a quick picture IF my phone had a camera. And I could never adjust to the wide size of the blackberry. I thought it would grow on me but after a year, I still hate that part of it, so I'm thinking I'm not going to get used to it.

Kayla shows me her new phone. Which is this one, except white (I want the pink one..of course!)

Pink centro

I. LOVE. THIS. PHONE.

It feels good in my hand. It's a smart phone so it has all the bells and whistles that my blackberry has. And get this…it has a section where you can just hit a button and you can post to your blog from the phone. Guess what the blog service is? One of the more popular ones, like blogger? Nope….Typepad, maybe? Nope.

I couldn't believe that when I saw it on Kayla's phone. I didn't notice that until like the 2nd or 3rd time I played with it. It's like it's meant to be! ha!

Seriously….I want this phone so bad. It's relatively inexpensive ($100 with some rebates and stuff…)but I can't justify getting it when the blackberry that I just 'HAD TO" have cost so much and I've only had it a year.  Plus, with moving, it's just not something I'd feel good about buying right now.

Sometimes I really HATE being a responsible adult. I'm thinking if things go well when we move, maybe at the end of the summer I'll do some begging. LOL

Seriously though, isn't it the CUTEST phone ever??
I am so in love with this phone.
I keep saying to Kayla, when I'm leaving her…"I love your phone!" and she keeps saying back..
"My phone loves you too!"
LOL
It's cracking me up…..
I think she likes that I like her phone so much!

you wake up with that woozy "holy shit I drank way too much wine last night" feeling and you stumble to the coffee pot and as you pass your camera, your brain freezes and you get a little scared feeling in your tummy and you think to yourself, "oh god, I don't even want to look at what pictures are on that camera yet…."

ha.
<wink>

great wine, awesome friends, an adorable little boy and one cool husband that will give drunk friends a ride home…
gotta love it.

More later, after I'm brave enough to look at the pictures. 🙂