Anything But Gray

Bon Jovi had Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland sing on one of their songs. (Who says you can't go home…) Typically if Jon lets someone sing with him, I'll at least check them out. But Sugarland is country and I'm not super into country music. Now, there are some good, good songs and some amazing lyrics in country music and there are some country musicians and songs that I love, but I just never bothered to go check out this Sugarland group. (Even though I love the name…I just might name my house that, someday. ha!)
Anyway, J blogged about one of their songs and that got me intrigued and I went and checked them out. I came across this, among other cool stuff.

 
If the video doesn't work, go here and watch.

I am so FRUSTRATED and to try to chill out before I start getting absolutely insane, I'm gonna vent.

When we all lived together on Taku Blvd. (Ceci, JR, the kids, me, Zak, Marky….etc….) I used to password protect some of my files. I used Lotus at the time because I knew how to password protect a file in it and it was a word processing program that hardly anyone used. The files weren't a major big deal, but it was my journal, starts to lyrics and a few letters here and there. I did that because with so many people in and out of the house, it just made me feel better to have it password protected. Then I just was in the habit it of it, I continued to do it with my journal and other private writing.

Then I get my new computer and I totally forget that I don't have Lotus on it. I cannot GET TO MY OLD FILES!!!!
I downloaded a free document viewer that would allow me access to the files, but would not let me do any editing or anything, which is fine. I could just copy and paste into a word doc. Easy fix, yes?
NO!
because these stupid friggin' files are password protected the document viewer won't open them.
It's making me crazy…..I look at the pop-up window that tells me "Cannot open file because it is password protected" and I keep wanting to SCREAM at the computer…BUT I KNOW THE PASSWORD!!!!!!!!

This is really annoying the hell out of me. And I get obsessed. I will NOT be able to quit until I beat this friggin' computer and get the files open. So now I'm hunting through all my old computer stuff, trying to find a Lotus disk.
I know this has happened before, I couldn't get into a lotus file because we didn't have the program anymore and I forget how we fixed it. I don't know if we bought a new lotus disk or if we bought it online and downloaded it to the old computer. <sigh>

This is going to be a complete waste of a day because after I get all my house stuff done and in between taking care of the kids, I know I will go completely mad until I get those files open!!!!!

Hopefully I'll either find the disk or find some free trial download or something….and preferably before I lose my mind!! 

I am going to invent a breathalyzer thingy for the ocputer.
It will detect if you have had too much alcohol and therefore should NOT be sending heartfelt, honest, babbling and  random emails to your friends/husband/ex-boyfriends or family.
That would solve so much humiliation….do you think it is a coincidence that you when you drink too much you forget stuff? I don't…..
Anyway, it's like the poele you have programed into your phone as "do NOT call when drinking".
Kind of like that…ti will have a security block or osmething so that when you do try to send an email, it will bounce back to you or some shit like that….

fucking brilliant, huh?

First football game of the preseason starts in a little over and hour…..cannot wait!
Not that preseason is really all that exciting, but what is exciting about it is that the actual season is now just around the corner…

Zak is downstairs, setting up my studio.
FINALLY!

I am so beyond psyched. I hate being without my stuff….I hate not creating.
It's been making me crazy….
My art is really my escape. I can lose myself in creating and I love it.
Also, I really want to set up my etsy shop and try to start selling some of my stuff.
All I really want is enough money to supply my Dunkin' Donuts habit and to buy more art stuff.
Oh and to pay for gas….and my beer…..okay, whatever….I"m apparently going to need to sell A LOT of stuff…

ha!!!

Off to organize my space!!!

Last night I met Shelly in Fitchburg.
We cruised around and then stopped down on John Fitch to hang out and see who was out. We were there about 15 minutes and Steve pulled in. Then a few other people stopped by and we just hung out, talking and joking around. A couple of guys that we knew from waaay back when, from the cb crowd, showed up and one of them I haven't seen in about 10 years, so that was cool. After awhile Shelly and I decide we want to go for a ride. We hop in her car, leave my truck there and go cruise around. There is a cool bar on John Fitch now and Shelly knows a cop and she knew he was working there, so she pulled in to see if he was standing outside. Plus her nephew works at this bar. The cop Shelly knows was standing outside, so we pull up and pull to the side so we can talk. He comes over to the car, my side, and Shelly's nephew goes over to her side and we're all just chatting. Then another cop comes up to the cop we were talking to and starts talking to him and us. After a few minutes this other cop says he's gonna go back inside. As he's walking back inside, I kind of lean my head out of the car window cause I'm trying to watch him walk away…Well then the cop Shelly knows yells at him "She's checking out your butt!" And the cop turns around and starts laughing and then we all start joking about if I want to grab his butt, cause it's a nice butt. And I say, "Well, sure…" So this cop comes back to the car and turns around at the window, so I can grab his butt!
Well, since I'm not one to let a good opportunity slip away…..I grab his butt.
It was a very nice butt. 

The rest of the night Shelly kept saying "I can't believe you grabbed his butt!".
At the time, I really honestly didn't think it was a big deal…..but upon reflection, I guess it is a little brazen to cop a feel on a cop! Even if the cop DID put his butt right where I could grab it!!!

These people should know me by now, though….I mean really….they should be more surprised if I DIDN'T grab his butt.

🙂

I hate myspace….I really do.
Every time I ever went on there to look around, it drove me nuts.
But then tons of people I knew started getting them or I found out that they had one and I decided to make one because it is, in fact, a nice way to keep in touch…as crazy as it makes me.

But I got to liking it. I like messing with my profile, the graphics and crap. And I do a little blog there…just a lyric of the day type thing and it's very infrequent. I just don't have time, all the time. I started it because I miss my music, I miss pouring over lyrics and devouring every word and I miss writing, so I thought if I made a blog it would motivate me to listen more….and it does…sometimes.

ANYWAY….I have a profile on there and I can't change it.
It's written as if I live in Alaska still and I can't change it yet.
I don't know what the hell my deal is.
I also can't bring myself to change my time in my truck.
It's still on Alaska time.

Weird.

Is it the letting go?
Maybe somehow I think if I let go, I'm letting go of the people that I love, there?
Is it maybe, just maybe…..as much as I disliked Alaska, it is a part of me?
Did it take moving here to realize that?
To realize that no matter how much I wanted to leave Alaska….Alaska will never leave me?
It can't, if you think about it.
I met the love of my life, there. I had my children there.
I met women that had a profound impact on my soul.
I met my sister/best friend/ what-would-I-do-without-her friend, there.
I fell in love with my niece and nephew there.
I had some good times there.
Some damn good times…..
I grew up there.
I realized just how strong I am, there.
I could go on and on…

I'm realizing you can't spend 15 years in a place and not have a bond to it.
You just can't.

And yes, you can all say it, let's hear it in unison.
I told you so…..

Yes, you all did.
I didn't believe you.

You were right.

I would make it so when someone you love is dying, your world gets to stop…just come to a screeching halt.

no work…for you or your spouse….a loving nanny to help with your children.
A finance dude to pay your bills….a pet sitter to take care of your animals…
a maid to clean your house…and a world class chef to make you food that is so good that even though the last thing in the world you want to do is eat, you will eat.

Your world should get to just stop so you can devote every second to spending time with the person you love….

I hate that I'm not a millionaire and really hate that I'm not in charge.

This is nothing I'm going through, just one of my very good friend's, his wife is losing someone….and I just feel really bad for them and wish this situation could somehow be easier….

Oh my….

and another one falls….

This has not been a good year for politicians in Alaska….
They have been in the news for more bad things than good things, this year!
yuck.

My cousin (Billiejo) sent me a bunch of pictures from the reunion on Saturday.
My card drive is loose on my computer and I can't download my pics….Zak is going to look at it tonight, for me. yay!
Anyway….here are some pics….

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Me, my cousin Billiejo and my sistah!

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Zak gettin' in on the picture….my sister and him are growing into a torment each other type of relationship. I love it! lol

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My Auntie & me. This was the birthday girl! 🙂 I cannot believe she is 60! Time just flies…..

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This is me, my cousin Carolyn and my cousin Stephanie. I think Stephanie looks so much like my mom, it's the eyes. And you can't quite see it in this pic…but I swear, looking at her is like looking at my mom. It's cool.

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Me and my cousin Joey. I just adore him.

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Gabby girl, Jaime and Amanda (Joey & Loopy's daughter) Amanda and Jaime played and played and they got along FABULOUSLY! At one point they both come running over to me and Zak and Jaime exclaims "I have a new friend, this is my new friend!" And Amanda is beside her, nodding in agreement. I look at Jaime and lower my voice, for effect and say "Jaime, did you know that your new friend is actually your cousin?" Her jaw drops and both her and Amanda start jumping up and down, holding hands and singing "We're cousins, we're cousins!" It was the cutest thing! lol

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Cute pic of Jaime.

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Us. Ben wouldn't get in the picture, so we made him. lol.

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Last but not least, the whole clan.  🙂

I love these reunions and I hope we do them more. It's really nice to catch up and see everyone. A couple of people couldn't make it and that was a bummer but it was great to see everyone that I did see. It was REALLY a bummer that my mom couldn't be there, but hopefully she'll move here soon and she'll never miss one again!

My mother's second husband was there (because when he and my mom divorced, he went on to marry my mother's cousin) and it was actually really, really good to see him. He asked for my number and I gave it to him and to be honest, I'm actually hoping he calls. We were pretty close when my mom and him were married and it would be nice to get back in touch with him. I'd like it. We'll see. 🙂

And Zak's bday without Ceci was HARD and I was thankful for the distraction of the reunion. Zak and Ceci's birthday is just always about me and Ceci planning and running around and doing stuff for it that it felt really weird this year. I just really missed her and it wasn't the same without her. I don't think it ever will be. Which, when you are married and best friend's with twins, I guess that's to be expected, to an extent. lol.

Another crazy busy day for me. I have to do bills, take a shower, take care of my plant, take care of the kids, make a few phone calls, have dinner, go up to Shelly's tonight  and then I want to call Kim on my way home. BUSY!!!

Enjoy the pics!

This weekend is FULL of birthdays…

Zak, Ceci, my Auntie are today.
Wanda is tomorrow.

Today we are going into Boston for a big family reunion. Our family has done this before and the last time was when I was pregnant with Ben. So this will be the first time Ben will meet my very large, extended family. I'm excited. I really enjoy these reunions and it's wonderful to catch up with our adult cousins whom I remember very fondly from my childhood. I feel a little bit bad for Zachary, he has never met most of these people (a few of them attended our wedding…) and he has to go spend his birthday with them. Poor guy…He isn't complaining and he is okay with going, but I know he'd much rather be somewhere else. LOL The reunion is also a surprise 60th bday party for my auntie. It should be fun. After the reunion, we'll come home and do the cake and ice cream thing for Zachary and open a couple of small gifts that we got and just hang out and have a few drinks. Shelly might come up and Steve might come up too, that would be cool. We'll see!

For the first time in about 7 years, I had to buy birthdays cards. Ceci, Zak, Wanda and my auntie. My art stuff isn't unpacked and so I couldn't make cards. I have to be honest, it was kind of fun to go through Hallmark and read the cards, I haven't done that in YEARS! lol. But I am a little disappointed that I had to buy cards. It's just so not me….but I know everyone will understand. Plus, a couple of the cards are really funny….so maybe that will make up for them being store bought! ha! I haven't gotten any of the cards in the mail yet, which is so unlike me too. <sigh> Man, I am pissing myself off these days. lol.  I will be so happy when life settles down and EVERYTHING is unpacked and we get a routine going….I haven't talked to J in weeks…I haven't talked to Kim or Danielle….I am late mailing birthday gifts and cards…..I haven't seen Dave and Wanda yet or my other friend Dave yet…James only once….I am really ready for life to get less hectic. I miss J, especially. When we don't get a chance to talk for this long….I feel somewhat unsettled and I don't like it. Some people I can go months without talking to and it's fine…I mean, I miss them and wish I had time to call, but it's not the same feeling as when I don't get a chance to talk to J. I honestly don't know how to describe it, the best way I have is it feels like something is out of place in my world…like I'm looking into a room and everything is all neat and orderly except one picture is slightly crooked. That would just bug my brain incessantly. Not talking to J is the same kind of feeling for me….it's just a "something's not quite right" feeling. So I am going to have to fit in a phone call to her soon. Before I go nuts. lol.

So I'm off to make sure kids get showered, camera batteries get charged, dvd player gets charged so the kids have something to do for the ride down and blah, blah, blah…all that good stuff.

Hopefully I'll have a ton of pics to post later!

Love you SO much!!!