Anything But Gray

So Zak left Tuesday.

Which sucked.

It was much harder the second time than the first time. Which I don't completley understand but whatever.  That's the general feeling this time, too. "Whatever"….

I'm not angry, not upset, not devastated….just…."whatever."  LOL

I miss him, of course….but I can't focus on that too long or I fall apart.  The problem with being happily married and actually truly enjoying each other's company is that you really friggin' miss your spouse when they aren't around.

I just flat out miss the guy. His laugh, his jokes, his hand reaching for mine, him opening the car door for me (yes, after 18 years he still does this….) hearing him play with the kids….. just so miss his essence and his presence.  I hate that he's gone. Truly hate it this time….

See…here I go…gotta stop, I'm going to cry.  I have too much to do, to cry.  LOL

On a brighter note….chatted with an old high school friend last night…well, friend might be a stretch, really.  He sat next to me in typing and  Oh God, did I have the biggest crush on this guy! LOL 

I actually got a little flustered when chatting with him….I have no clue why. Maybe it felt a little surreal, to be chatting with him…..maybe a part of me was scared to just be myself…..I don't know,  it was odd, really.  Maybe no matter how much time goes by,  some crushes still have that feeling. That nervous, I'm-gonna-say-something-stupid feeling you get. Which I did manage to do, for the record. A couple of times even. <sigh> Oh well….so much for impressing him, huh?? LOL  

But it was nice to chat.  Time flew by, too. When Zak is gone, the nights are the hardest. After the kids go to bed….not having Zak around to chat with or just having him watching t.v. while I work or write or whatever, on the computer sucks and I was thankful for the distraction.  🙂

There is a new picture album in my photos. We went apple picking for the first time since we've moved back! The kids LOVED it. 🙂 They had a good time! Yay!!!

And now…off to get stuff done.  🙂