Anything But Gray

It has been absolutely beautiful out!!!
We've been out and about, enjoying it.
We met Danielle & Joey at the beach yesterday and we all had an awesome time.

We all went out on date night last week (Ceci, JR, Marky and Tim who is a guy Ceci works with) and a friend of me and Zak's met us there. We had a BLAST. It was the karoke guys last Thursday night, so we really wanted to go. I am so glad our friend met us there. We haven't been able to hook up with her on a Thursday night in AGES.
There was a navy boat in port and all the dudes in the spiffy little uniforms were there.
I was up in the middle of the bar, watching whoever was singing and one of the navy guys asked to see my tattoo. (I had a little tee shirt on, my tee shirt that says "Rainy Days Make Me Wet" ha!!!!) and I showed him and we started talking. Really nice guy. I liked him. I was maybe a little bit flirty with the navy dudes…it was fun. We all had a blast. Ceci sang, Zak sang, JR sang….SO MUCH FUN!!! I can't wait to do it again.

So the next day I meet Danielle at her office for lunch. The lady that Danielle works with mentions that the navy boat is having tours. I was like…"ahhh..yeah, I can't go on the boat. No way can I go on that boat." And the lady starts laughing and she says "yeah, I saw you out last night." I was like shit…what time? LOL She's like no, no you were fine…lol. Whew….she must've saw me early. lol.

My sister's graduation was Saturday!!
I AM SO PROUD OF HER!!!!!
here's a pic!

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My mother….<sigh> She looked on line for my nonexistent father's email address and she found it and then emailed him to tell him "your daughter is graduating from college on Saturday." and then gave him Niki's email address and phone numbers.
I hope she doesn't tell my sister that she did that cause there is no way this man is going to email or call her.
We (my brother and sister and I) all handle the fact that this man couldn't care less about us, but to have it so blatantly displayed would be heartbreaking. I don't care how much we don't give a shit about him. I know it would break my heart if I knew someone told him something major was going on with me and he didn't respond.
You know…now that I have children, I honestly can say I don't get it. I don't get how you can have children and just throw them aside. I tried to start a relationship up with him around 1991 or 1992. He essentially blamed me for not keeping in touch, too. He told me how he's always been easy to find and it's my fault too for not keeping in touch.
At the time, I accepted this, but the more I thought about it, the more I was like that's bullshit. I was a CHILD. A freakin' kid. How the fuck am I supposed to know how to get in touch with him? And it irked me that he would so immediately pass the buck.
<shrugging> oh well. My mom was a good enough parent to make up for not having him.
Don't need him anyway. Never have, never will.
But I will say, if he dies and does not mention us in his will, if he does not leave us something…a letter…anything, just something that says he cared…that is going to suck.
To know that half of my being, to know that my father……really didn't care if I was alive, dead…whatever….
That's enough to break anyone's heart.
To know that part of what created you….disposed of you so easily, in their heart.
Just let us go….
yeah…that's going to suck.

That was so not where I was going when I started that. Geez!

I got to speak to J for a little bit today and that was cool. I miss talking to her.
In a way the blog sucks because I think we both keep up with each other, so we have been slacking on the phone calls.
Gotta quit that because I miss her. Miss our chats.
Although she has been on im in the morning and that's been neat.
She's been the first one I speak to everyday quite a few times lately and I like that.
it just starts my day off nice.

I had an absolutely, perfect for me business idea. Zak doesn't want me to do it, though. He thinks I don't have the time. We just had a conversation about how I feel overwhelmed and feel like I have to do everything. Then 3 days later I decide I'm going to start a business….
Okay…he may be right.
And I think I'm an idiot.
LOL

And on that note, I'm out….
later!

J tagged me. And I am a couple days late getting to this, but honestly it's not my fault. Yesterday was my niece's birthday and my sister's graduation is tomorrow so the time I would've spent on the computer, I spent calling them. And then it was date night.
So see…not my fault….Anyway…

1. I have a shopping problem. It is abnormal how much I love to shop. This may be TMI, but bear with me for this analogy. You know the feeling when you are laying there after having really, really good sex. That totally blissful, content feeling you get? Yeah…when I come out of a store with bags of stuff..that's what I feel like.
That's not normal, I'm sure. It's a problem.

2. I'm nosy. So nosy that one of my friends told me once that they were going to get me a plaque that says "Hall Monitor". I have to know everything. I'm not a gossip and I don't spread rumors or anything like that, but I hate not knowing stuff. Drives me absolutely nuts.

3. I have 4 best friends. One is my husband's twin sister. Two are sisters. And one of them I've never met in person. Only email, phone calls and internet.

4. I talk to my mom and my sister on the phone at least once a day. A lot of times more.

5. I am extremely loyal. It takes a lot for me to consider someone a real friend. But I once I do, you're my friend forever. Once I love you and trust you, I pretty much love you for life.

6. I would die if I did not have music. Music is like my soulmate and I would absolutely die without it. I live for a good lyric. And I think Jon Bon Jovi is one of the most underrated lyricists of our generation.

7. I love that I grew up in the city (Boston) but I would never, ever raise my children there.

8. I'm a crybaby. I'm sad, I cry. I'm happy, I cry. I'm a sympathy crier. I'm almost useless for my friends because if they call me crying, I wind up crying with them.

9. I love, love, love to sing. I have the most horrific voice you've ever heard. So not fair.

10. I love that I love birthdays. I love that I never forget someone's birthday and even the small gesture of making someone I love a card, makes me so happy. I love to make the people I love feel remembered on their day. "I have to celebrate you baby/I have to praise you like I should"  That's a lyric from a song.
That's how I feel about birthday's.

So this isn't that interesting, but it's fun to do! I love stuff like this.

Sorry it took me so long J. Now you have to post on your blog that I did it!!!
I'm off to take a nap, we stayed out way too late on date night….beer. The beer gets me every freakin' time. lol

My brother posted this on his my space and I did it and posted it on my myspace.
But just cause it's so much fun, I'm doing it again over here.

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing and the Band
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool…

Opening Credits:
My Love—Justin Timberlake

Waking Up:
Brilliant Disguise–Bruce Springsteen

First Day At School:
Heads I Win, Tails You Lose–Ratt

Falling In Love:
I Love You—Celine Dion (I DID NOT CHEAT!!! LOL.)

Fight Song:
You and Me–Lifehouse (that's SO lame!!!)

Breaking Up:
Take It Easy–Eagles.

Prom:
Born to Run–Bruce Springsteen (ha!!)

Life:
Sweet Child of Mine—Guns-n-Roses  (sweet!!!)

Mental Breakdown:
I Wonder Why–Curtis Stiger (ha, again!!!)

Driving:
Reach out, I'll be there–Four Tops

Flashback:
You got it bad–Usher…

Getting Back Together:
Forever in Blue Jeans—Neil Diamond (fuck..I so should've taken the Neil Diamond out before I did this….)

Wedding:
Never Let You Go–Third Eye Blind

Birth of Child:
In The End–Linkin Park

Final Battle:
It's Your Song–Garth Brooks

Death Scene:
Jesus Born on this Day–Mariah Carey—( I swear I didn't cheat!! )

Funeral Song:
Homebound Train—Bon Jovi! (SWEET!!!!!)

End Credits:
When I dream about you–Stevie B (oh, geez….whatever.)

My other one is better….
THIS IS FUN!
I should do Zak and post it….hmmm…

My daughter, she is something else, I tell you.

Every night we say prayers. Zak usually puts the kids to bed so it's usually him that says prayers with Jaime.
When Jaime says her prayers she goes through all the stuff she did that day, all the things she's thankful to God for and she ends it with "God Bless everyone we love and keep them safe."
Well as Zak is tucking her into to bed, getting ready to say prayers, she looks up at Zak and says
"Daddy, can God see everything I do?" Zak is thinking how sweet, she's asking about God and he answers her.
"Yeah, baby God is always with you and sees everything."
Jaime then looks up at him and says in all seriousness..
"Then why do I have to tell him everything I do every night?"
Zak controls his laughter and explains to her how she is thanking God for everything she got to do and everything that happened, not telling him what she did.

What a crack up that girl is.

Today was a really nice day. It was WARM out–FINALLY. That right there is enough to put everyone in this town in a good mood. lol. I volunteered at Jaime's school, which I love. I work with another mom and I really like talking to her. She's a cool lady. Her name is Rung and she thinks I'm a riot, so really…what's not to love?? lol. I try to explain to her, Rung…I'm really not that funny. But she still thinks I am. So needless to say, I really dig working with her.

Jaime had her assessment today and the teacher said she did well. I had to get going to pick up Cierra and she was working with another kid, so I didn't press for details, she'll let us know at conference, but I'll take the she did well.
I cannot believe how fast this year has gone by. These last couple of weeks are just full of field trips and fun days, too. So I'm excited and really hoping for some nice weather for the kids.

Ben has been doing well with the potty thing. He has his on days and his off days. He's been throwing super fits lately and I tell you…it's OLD. Hopefully it's just a phase and he'll get over it, QUICK. I'm still amazed at how much he's changed every since the potty training. He's all around such a better boy. (with the exception of the stupid fits he's been throwing…)

My mummy is supposed to close on her house tomorrow. FINGERS CROSSED!!
I'm so excited that she's getting into a house! I can't wait until she's all moved in and settled.
That poor woman….I can't even count how many times she's moved. In her next life she's going to come back as CEMENT! lol

It's still a little warm out so I'm going to go sit outside and enjoy it.

Tah!

I have a my space page. It's hardly anything. Barely any work went into or goes into it but sometimes I'll throw a lyric of the day on there….when I'm in the mood to write. I don't post it here because I don't want to bore the people that do read this blog with this kind of stuff. But I really wanted to post this one…
hope you don't mind….

Lyric of the day…

~I
know what I've lost/on this quiet night/I still felt your grasp upon
me/as I boarded the flight/I watched you there in the window/I wondered
how long you'd stay/waving your arms at the jumbo/as it tore us both
away/I wish I could just turn myself around/follow my heart back to you
on the ground/I know just for tonight/it's harder to hear than
good-bye/I miss you..~~

I Miss You–Ringside.

Ceci showed
me this song after I had got back from my last vacation home. It was
just a cool song she wanted to show me, she had no clue what it would
do to me and the memories it would immediately attach itself to.

My
sister drove me to the airport the morning I left. It was sunny, warm
and as my sister and I were driving on the highway, on the way to the
airport it was killing me to leave. It hasn't been that hard to leave
in a lot of years. That vacation was just so full of family, friends
and a couple of wild crazy nights. I just wanted to stay and have my
family come there. Just stay forever….
We got to the airport and I
got all checked in and my sister and I hung out in front of the airport
by her car, smoking a last cigarette before I had to go. I wanted a few
minutes to be able to call Dave and Wanda before I went through
security, so she was going to leave a few minutes sooner than I
would've liked, but I really had to talk to them before I got on the
plane. We finished our cigarettes and I hugged and kissed her goodbye.
I could feel the tears welling up and the paniced scream that I always
feel in my heart when I have to leave home…."I want to stay…Don't
go….take me with you…" It's always a jumbled, frantic mess in my
mind as I'm saying good bye and I know I'm about to sob. We let go and
I can see her crying and she gets in her car and I'm standing there,
watching her leave. And as she's pulling away, she takes one more
glance at me over her shoulder. That's when I lose it. I start sobbing.
I know that glance…I know that last look you take before someone you
love, leaves. It just killed me.
This part of this song takes me to that moment.
Every time.
Then I start to remember all the memories I made that vacation.
It was the best vacation home I'd had in years and I made some pretty incredible memories. Amazing memories.
It
was the trip that made me realize how loved I am even after all these
years away and how much I love the people I left behind.
The trip that made me ache for home and everyone there like I haven't in years.
I belong there.
I can't wait to go back home….
********************************************** end ************************************

I had a fantastic day today. I watched Joey until about noon and then Danielle hung out until 3pm and we got to talk a lot and it was so nice. Kim stopped by and she traded bottles of wine with me, so now I have the right one…
And I will be drinking that tonight.

I had a great day…but I'm really homesick.
Today was Gabby's (my niece) birthday party day. My cousin and her husband, my auntie and all the kids were up at my sister's for Gabby's party. I miss them. I can't wait until I can be there for parties like this. And then tomorrow being Mother's Day. I haven't been with my mom on  a Mother's Day in years. I've never been with my sister on a Mother's Day. Not yet, anyway….
My sister said it was beautiful out..not too hot, not too cold.
Absolutely Perfect.

So although I had an awesome day, my heart is just a little blah…
So the wine will be drank tonight.
ha!

I am so, so proud of my sister!
She is officially a college graduate! She passed her last final this week.
My sister has amazed me with this. She did this while working full time, being a wife, being a mom, going through several different personal struggles….this is an incredible accomplishment and I am so, so proud of her.
Beyond proud.

I am so bummed that I can't be there. I owe her the biggest party of the planet when I get back there.
She deserves it!!

GO SISTAH!! I am so proud of you!!!!

Dave and Wanda are in Colorado on a business trip and I have no clue why, but I am just GIDDY excited about it. I called them on the way to the airport, I called them when they were still at the airport, I called them when they landed in Denver. LOL I'm such a pain in the ass…
I honestly have no clue, it's not like I'm going to get to see them. I think it's just cause they are closer and that somehow makes me excited. I honestly don't know why I'm this excited.
The business aspect of it has me excited for them. The fact that it is their 16th wedding anniversary and it's the first time they've flown since their honeymoon has me excited for them. The fact that they are getting away, just the two of them has me excited.
I love them so much and it just makes me so happy that they are happy.
Maybe that's it. lol.
Get this…..guess where their plane was continuing on to? Give up? ANCHORAGE!!!!
I was like "oooh…just STAY ON THE PLANE!!!!" LOL
Too funny. What a coincidence, huh?

So I have been really excited all day. Last night I picked up a bottle of that wine at Costco. And I have really been looking forward to the kids going to bed, getting in the tub with a glass of wine. Usually I bring a beer in with me (real classy, huh?? lol) and I was looking forward to this wine, it was that good. Anyway, I was SURE I had the right bottle, so totally positive. I called Kim tonight and IT'S THE WRONG ONE! I am so annoyed at myself. Hopefully I like it. If not Kim says she'll take it, (she's coming over for a visit tomorrow) so that's good at least it won't go to waste.  I'm sure I'll like it enough to drink it, but still….I really, really wanted the one I had last week. Oh well….I'll get the right one tomorrow.

I dropped Ben off at daycare this morning and Dolores (his daycare provider) gave me a gift bag for Mother's Day!! How sweet is that??? That really made my day. Oh and yesterday one of the little boys there ran up and gave me a hug when I was picking up Ben….that was so sweet! I adore this little boy, something about him just tugs at my heart and that was so sweet that he ran up to me and gave me a big hug. I thought Ben would be pissed, but he was fine. LOL

I told Dave and Wanda to call me when they were done with dinner and I don't know if they will, they will probably be tired from the trip and want to spend some "quality" time together and go to sleep. BUT I'M SO EXCITED FOR THEM I WANT THEM TO CALL!!!!!!! LOL
I'm restraining myself….I can't call them….I can't. LOL
They so wouldn't mind, I know they wouldn't and it would be so typical of me to call. But I'm going to be nice and not bug them. Tonight.
I'm *so* calling tomorrow….LOL

J…I'm thinking of you this weekend, bigtime.
Danielle's son is coming over to play with the kids in the am and Kim is visiting but I'm planning on calling in the afternoon sometime. I love you!!

J told me about this, this morning….

 can't wait!!!!! I am so BEYOND excited about this.

Between this and waiting for football this is going to be the longest summer ever.

I love Bon Jovi's new song. I posted the lyrics awhile ago on here. 
The song has really touched me and I posted about why too.
Anyway…this video, ahh, this video…..just watch him.
Really watch. That's how this song makes me feel.

shhh…just watch.

I love you!!

Danielle and her family made it in, albeit delayed, but THEY ARE HERE!!!

I am so beyond words excited.

Joey (her son that's the same age as Ben) is SOOOOO stinkin' cute!

I can't wait until tomorrow, I already can't wait to see them again…lol.

I'm a dork, I know.
But honestly….I don't make friends easy….it's never come easy for me….it's takes me a long time to really trust a person and to consider them a real friend…but boy, once you are my friend, you're my friend for life.
Danielle is one of those kind of friends and I am just so happy to have her back.
I'm so happy to have the chance to get to know her son and to have him over and play with my kids.
So happy for me, Kim and Danielle to do lunch again.
I could go on and on.

<shrugging> Call me a dork….I don't care.
My heart is happy.

Welcome back Danielle & Chris and Welcome to Juneau, Joey!

Good night!!