Anything But Gray

Gloriously good news, a birthday & the Love/Loathe list…

January 6, 2009
So last night I try to call Alaska Kim and Danielle, to thank them for thinking of me and wishing me happy birthday and to chat.
I get Kim first and we talk for a bit and then I comment that Danielle was supposed to call me back and she hadn't yet and that I hope she doesn't forget. Right as the words are coming out of my mouth, someone beeps in on the other line. I look and it's Danielle. So I tell Kim…"Hey, it's her, I"ll call you back…" and I click over.
I was so happy to hear her voice. We have barely talked on the phone since I've moved. We've emailed and stuff but we haven't really talked, so I was really happy that she called back and had a few minutes to chat.

In the middle of the conversation…all nonchalant like…Danielle drops this bomb on me….

"We're going to have a baby…."

I'm thinking no way did I hear her right because she sounded so…I don't know…calm.
So I say "What??"
And she repeats herself.
And I, of course, freak out!

I cannot believe it! Danielle is gonna have another baby!!!!! I am just so thrilled for her and overjoyed.
And peeved….I KNEW that would happen. I just KNEW she would get pregnant after I left. I am bummed that I can't be there with her, but it doesn't diminish how happy I am for her and Chris AND Joey. Her due date is July 21st and I cannot WAIT to get to talk to her again when she has a little more time to chat. But to add to the good news, I find out she's on facebook! So now I know we'll keep more in touch because I'm always on facebook these days. I've been on facebook for a long time but I didn't really check it much or keep up with it until J got on and was home with her son. It made me feel connected to her and I liked the daily contact. And from there I've just been finding other people and I've just been becoming a little addict. lol. Rachel is on there too and Kim is going to make one, so I am going to have my little Alaska crew on there! YAY!!!! I'm really excited about that too…..

AND….I just wanted to put on here a little birthday wish to Joey. It's his birthday today and he's turning five.
Happy, Happy Birthday Joey!!! Ben and Jaime say hello and we all miss you and love you!!!! Hope your day was AWESOME!!!!!

Now the love/loathe list…

Love
- Eddie visiting
- How awesome my birthday was and all the people who came!
- Being 17. (although at the time, I hated it.)
- Getting back to eating right after the holidays
- My super high heel boots
- dancing with Shelly
- pictures
- facebook!!
- the kids being on vacation..it was a really good one!!
- Danielle is PREGNANT!!!
- My cousin Sean is coming to visit
- Washington Apple martini….oh. my. god. heaven in an effing glass. seriously.
- Kim getting good news about her baby
Loathe
- Not getting to be around Danielle while she is pregnant
- feeling like I'm spinning my wheels and not getting anything accomplished
- Eddie leaving
- bills…
- watching someone play roles in their life and get so lost in them that there is no "them" any longer.
- missing deadlines…ha!
- being unfocused and unorganized
- that a Washington Apple martini has calories in it…
- irresponsible people
- impending storms….wtf, enough already!
I love when I have more on my love list then my loathe list!!

Congrats again, Danielle!!!!
I am so happy for you!!!
Motivation crash…

January 5, 2009

The day after my birthday is always somewhat of a let down for us because that's truly when the holiday season is over. With my birthday being so close to New Year's, it makes the holiday season last a few more days for us and so the day after my birthday is really when it feels like it's really done, so there is a little bit of a "oh, fine..it's over.." feeling. lol

This year I was relieved and a little bit excited about the holiday season ending. I made my list for things to do for today and I was really motivated to get stuff done today…to stay focused on my day and get a lot accomplished. The kids go back to school, I can get some quiet time to think without interruption, I'll work on my website, my ebook and a few other things…awesome, right?

Mother Nature has other plans, apparently.
My phone rings at 6am and it's my mom letting me know school is delayed for 90 minutes and there is no morning kindergarten. My day is completely thrown off now and my motivation just crashed. Completely crashed. Grrrr…..

But I am determined to still get a lot done and not let this ruin my day. LOL It's only a 90 minute delay, this should not ruin my entire day. I just hate when plans get messed up, but I am going to work around it and still get a lot done.
I can do this….right?? LOL

I also wanted to say good luck to J. She is going back to work today after being home with her new baby for 3 months. I know those first a couple of weeks adjusting to going back to work can be tough so everyone should wish her good luck and may the transition go smoothly for you and your family!
It’s still my birthday!!!!

January 4, 2009

I had such an awesome day.
We actually didn't do anything major….just hung out at home and enjoyed the day together.
Watched football and then we did cake and ice cream at night.
Jaime, Kayla and Ben made me a little cake with her easy bake oven which was so adorable and actually pretty good.
Then my mommy, sister, her husband and Gabby came over to do the real cake and ice cream. They got me a couple of gifts, which was sweet. My mommy got me my perfume (tradition!) and my sister got me a really cool wall plaque. I'll have to take a pic and post it. I had seen it in Kohl's a few months back with my mom and loved it but I didn't get it.
My mom told my sister about it and she got it for me! I can't wait to hang it up…..it says
"Life is a song. Love is the music."
Love it!!

I got phone calls, text messages and computer happy birthday's (facebook, email, etc…) all day and that was really cool. I was downstairs folding laundry and I was thinking how cool it was that I either talked to, saw or got a message on the computer from almost everyone I love. And then I thought to myself…"It's only Kim and Danielle that I didn't get to talk to." And I wasn't thinking it in a bad way, just an observation….Well then I come back upstairs and I hop on facebook for the first time all day and there was a message from Rachel saying that her, Kim and Danielle had tried to call me for my birthday!!! First of all I was psyched that they were all together and thought of me. It made me feel like I was kind of with them…lol….then I was bummed that I missed the call…and then I was happy thinking…"hey, now I really DID hear from almost everyone I love today!!!"
I only didn't hear from one person that I would've liked to have talked to….but that's just as much my fault…I know how to work the phone! LOL 🙂

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world….I have the most awesome family and friends and they make me feel so special.

Thank you everyone for making my day so wonderful!!!
You have no clue how much I love you all…..
You make me so happy and I am so grateful for all of you!!!!
Dah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah/ Today is my birthday!!!!

January 4, 2009

And it's starting out fantastic!

We went out last night for my birthday and it was an absolute blast.
It was me, Zak, Steve, Shelly, my sister and Rick…Bob came for a little while and James came for a bit too. James had to go and it was a bummer because he just missed Dave and Wanda by minutes.
Did you see that? Did you see who I just said James missed by minutes??
Dave and Wanda….
Yes, they came for my birthday!!!!!
Holy crap, I couldn't believe it and we had an absolute BLAST.
I was so unbelievably happy they showed up….my cheeks hurt from smiling!
The whole way home, I must've said a million times…."I can't believe they came! I can't believe they showed up! I am so happy they were there!!!!"
I was so happy everyone who came, was there.
It is so nice to celebrate your birthday with people you really care about and I haven't gotten to get out to a bar yet, since we've been here, so it was just…..awesome. LOL I already can't wait to do it again….:-) I so love going out to the bars, especially now that there isn't smoking in the bars. Although as a principal I am so utterly against the government dictating what can and can't be done in a privately owned establishment, I do love not chain smoking, smelling all nasty in the morning and my chest hurting from smoking too damn much. I love the music, the dancing, the people….I just love going out and I've missed it since we've left Alaska.

And as much fun as I had….it was weird not partying with Ceci, JR and Alaska Kim on my bday. They have been the always there people at my birthdays for years and it was a little weird to not have them there. It definately felt like something was missing….of course I drank enough to numb that feeling, so it was all good! LOL I just had to say, they were missed….:-)

The only bad thing….I could've lived without my fat ass falling on the dance floor with Shelly….but there is always one of them a night at the bar and what the hell….it's never been me, so that was a first and I can dig that. ha!

Then I woke up this morning to both of the kids in bed with us…very cool.
And now Zak just said that breakfast is ready….
steak, eggs, bacon, toast for me because it's my birthday!!! YAY!!!! Yummy!!

So off to eat and I'll post more later!
for this I am grateful…

January 2, 2009

I just finished my post about Ben.

And then I saw this…

Heartbreaking…

Now matter how awful Ben can act, I am so lucky to have him.
So utterly lucky that my children are healthy and happy and when you see a tragedy like this…any parent losing a child, it just makes you say a little prayer of thanks.

At least I have him to get annoyed with…..Thank God…..
About Ben.

January 2, 2009
As mostly everyone knows….Ben is a tough kid to be a parent of. He has been difficult since the day he came out of the womb. About the only thing easy with Ben was his entrance into the world. 2.5 hours from start to finish.

There are things Zak and I have come to accept with Ben and we have learned to pick our battles with him.
Now, don't get me wrong….I adore this kid…..but boy, does he make me crazy. He's stubborn as all hell, loud, rambunctious, defiant and downright ornery sometimes. But he's also super friendly, absolutely adorable, tough, determined, sweet at heart and very affectionate and loving. And handsome behind belief. He's a charmer. If you were to meet him in a store, you would want to take him home with you. Everyone does. He really is that charming. Now, once you got him there you would realize what you have gotten yourself into and you would turn around and bring him right back…but when you meet him, he would charm the pants off of you. 🙂

A couple of battles that we just don't bother fighting Ben on are:
- getting himself dressed. He just flat out refuses to do it and we have gone with the philosophy that he will when he is ready.
- Another one is food. The kid will not try anything. He has his staples and luckily they are mostly healthy staples….but it's all he will eat. Mac and cheese, hamburgers (homecooked ones), cheese quesadillas, spinach ravioli, spaghetti, cheese, mandarin oranges, carrots, pistachios and peanut butter sandwiches And some snacks here and there. But those are his staples. Pretty friggin' healthy, if you ask me, so we are lucky. But it's maddening for him to not try things. Like pizza. He freakin' loves spaghetti and he loves cheese…but he won't try pizza. <rolling eyes> It's that kind of stuff that makes us crazy because we know he would love it if he tried it.
I don't know if I am speaking too soon but I think my little monster has turned a leaf this week because TWICE this week he has tried 2 new things and has loved them!! Yay!!! We are so psyched.

And then this morning he went upstairs, without being prompted and picked out his own clothes and got himself out of his pj's and into his clothes!! AND what he picked out totally matched AND he put his pj's in the dirty clothes! I was so, so proud of him!!!

Tonight we took the kids to the library so Jaime could get some books and Ben is old enough for a library card, so we signed him and he picked out some books.

Tonight I just felt like, finally….Ben is becoming easier. It feels like he is "getting it" and it's going to be easier to parent him. I hope I am not jumping the gun by writing this down, but I'm just so proud of him, I wanted to share!!
And even if he does revert back to Ben being Ben…I saw progress and I know he can do it….and that makes me happy!!!
it’s the lists, stupid.

January 2, 2009

Oh. My. God. Vox ate my post. That is so annoying….whatever. Let's try this again…..

For months now I have been feeling unfocused, unorganized and just unsettled. I feel like I am constantly running around like a chicken with my head cut off and getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I say I am "busy", I am always friggin' "busy" and yet I look around and see nothing meaningful to show for this "busy" that consumes me. If I'm so damn busy all the time, why am I do I feel like I am getting nothing done??? It's frustrating, to say the least.

I think I figured out what my problem is. I'm a list person. I make lists…for everything. I have wish lists, cards to make lists, stuff to buy lists and daily "to do" lists. Everyday I used to make a list of what had to get done the next day or that day….and I would adhere to it. To cross my chores off of a list made me feel like I was getting something done. There is a feeling of accomplishment in making a list and systematically going through and getting everything done. Plus, it kept me organized and we all know how I am about that. Disorganization throws me into a frenzy….I am a chaotic mess without my lists. I know this about me…..why the hell it took me months to figure out my problem, I'll never know….but I haven't made a daily "To Do" lists in months and I really think that's a lot of my feeling unorganized, frantic and unfocused.
So last night I made a "To Do" list….albeit small, but a list nonetheless.
First thing was download the pics from my camera, organize them and get some posted on my blog.
9:42am.
Mission accomplished.
Sweet.

Enjoy!!!

Christmas 2008 (39)

Jaime got her Kirby game for her DS…..she was thrilled!

Christmas 2008 (40)

This is her showing Ben. LOL

Christmas 2008 (68)

I just love this pic of Ben. How cute is that?

Christmas 2008 (102)

My mommy!!

Christmas 2008 (79)

totally crappy pic of me, (let me fix that…zak is complaining that he took the pics and it's NOT a crappy pic….I LOOK like crap in this awesome, award winning photo…ha!!) but it's a pic of a cool gift from my sistah, so I had to post it. 🙂

Christmas 2008 (98)

Another pic that I look like hell in, but I LOVE this sweatshirt my mommy got me. A sparkly pink 22….can anything BE better???

Christmas 2008 (136)

Ben with his tool stuff. Take note of the envelope on the counter…case in point of how ridiculously organized I "have" to be. That envelope contains all the instructions, paperwork and whatnot that comes with the gifts we all got and on the front I have written down who the gift was for and who gave the gift. <rolling eyes> Yup..that's me. To be honest, I think it's a really good idea, but it does make me laugh at myself because it's something I "have" to do or I go nuts. lol.

I'm bummed there isn't a very good pic of Zak or of all of us….but my cousin got some really good ones when we were down her house, so when I got those pics from her, I'll post more.

I am so happy I got this done!!! LOL
Go me!!
ha!
New Year….

January 1, 2009

New Year's is big for me because my birthday is right after it and I do the reflecting on the year that everyone else does on New Year's…but I think I do it double because my birthday is right there too.

My mother has always told me that I'm lucky that my birthday is so close to New Year's because both are times when people reflect on their lives and think about the things that they want to change for themselves. So I get to kill two birds with one stone. I think she is right.

A lot has changed for us this year. Big changes. Scary changes. Dreams come true type changes.
And looking back I am thankful. So very thankful.

All in all, leaving Alaska and moving back home has been wonderful. But the transition has been a tough road, financially. But in some stroke of fate (perhaps?) we are no different than anyone else right now. Everyone is having a hard time and worried about money, jobs and the economy. That is making this road much easier to travel. There is a "we are all in this together" mentality in life that is very reassuring, to say the least. I know everything is going to work out and I know we we will weather this storm and come out okay. And hopefully having learned a few lessons along the way. And at least we are in good company.

I should be ready to have a nervous breakdown. But I'm not. Knowing that other people are struggling too is making my struggle feel less stressful. Not that I wish anyone to struggle, but knowing you are not alone, helps. Also, what we have living here makes up for what we do not have, financially. We may not be able to go out every weekend or shop on a whim, but we have our health, we have family that adores us, my friends, the ability to drive anywhere we want, stores to browse in, fun places to take the kids and sunny days. Glorious sunny days. That may not seem like a big deal, the sunshine, but when you live without it for so long…..when you get it back, it becomes the high part of your life. And luckily Zak and I have always enjoyed the simple things much more than the big extravagant things. Both of us would take sitting in a car, parked somewhere with a view, with a six pack and just talking over any big fancy restaurant in the world. That's the kind of people we are and always have been……so appreciating and enjoying the simple things really reduces the stress….it really does. And I love it.
Even with it being hard, I am so glad we moved.

But I will say I do miss our Alaska people. A lot. love you guys!!! Much in the way that I made Alaska a home for me and I learned to accept being there and even came to enjoy being there, I still missed home with every breath I took. I miss our Alaska family and friends….with every breath I take. And I know I always will.

Having said all this…..my wish for everyone this year…..health, happiness and survive the economy!!

One of my own goals this year…..be better about blogging! I was awful toward the end of the year and I am bummed. Having a blog is a great way to keep a time line of your life and there is so much I missed by not blogging. Well, not "missed" but I didn't blog and that makes me sad. So this year…..that is one of my goals. To be better about keeping up on this! I won't bore you with my other goals…..the typical ones……same shit, different year.
And I'll save you the trouble of reading it! LOL Just cause I'm cool like that! Ha!!!!

Happy New Year's!!!!!
xoxo
Love / Loathe

December 30, 2008
Loathe
- sleep….total waste of time
- The traffic through Boston on 93. Freakin' scary!
- Being afraid of the traffic. Alaska turned me into a complete wussy when it comes to traffic. I swear I need a valium going through there.
- My almost empty liquor cabinet
- Regular season football is over.
- Patriots didn't make the playoffs.
- sleeping so late that I didn't get any "me" time this am
- cold feet
Love
- Champagne
- My birthday
- New Year's!
- Going to my cousin's house on the cape
- James getting my text messages again
- Driving on the section of 93 that runs right behind the neighborhood I grew up in, in Boston.
- Seeing long ago acquaintances and friends, via facebook
- Talking to friends that I haven't gotten a chance to talk to in a long time
- That my mom isn't working new year's and she said she'd watch Thing 1 and Thing 2 for me and Zak so we can go to Shelly and Scott's party. yay!! My mommy rocks!!
- Getting new contacts and glasses because of very generous Christmas gifts. Thank you!
- My living room being back to normal.
- My mommy living right next door with my sister. The kids are over there playing and I love it! Yay again!! My mommy rocks!!
A holiday behind.

December 29, 2008

So I finally have uploaded some pics from Thanksgiving…..I will get the Christmas ones up as soon as my cousin gets them to me. We actually got some really good ones while we were visiting the Cape over the weekend and I can't wait to get them!

Our visit down there was awesome, as always. I adore going to my cousin's house. It just screams "home" to me and everyone was there and I love that. Her house is actually kind of small and when you fill it up with our family, it makes it feel like it's absolutely filled to the max. I love it!!

The kids got a few more gifts while they were there and they were gifts that were just absolutely perfect for the kids! I was impressed…seriously! I love when my kids get a gift that I know they will love and play with endlessly. That makes me happy….happy for the kids and happy for the person that gave them the gift! lol.

Here's the pics from THANKSGIVING. lol.

Love my sistah thanksgiving 2008

Me and my sister.

Amanda and josslin thanksgiving 2008

This is my cousin's (Billiejo) daughter, Josslin..(the one in the blue/green shirt) and Amanda is my mother's cousin's (Christine) daughter. So like my 3rd cousin or something…I don't know….but they are both hysterical.

Kids thanksgiving 2008

Ben, Jaime, Juan and Gabby girl. 🙂

Gabby and jaime so cute thanksgiving 2008

Jaime and Gabby. How cute is this pic? Love that Jaime's face is all flushed and dirty…such a kid picture!

Jaime and Macho wrestling thanksgiving 2008

This is Billiejo and Mikey's son Macho…..he was wrestling with the little kids. They loved it!

Cousins rocks thanksgiving 2008

Niki, Billiejo and me.

Grown up cousins thanksgiving 2008

The grown up cousins. Christine, Auntie Phyillis, my mommy.

Enjoy and hopefully I'll get the Christmas pics up soon!

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