Anything But Gray

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  • Michael Jackson…

    Did you not believe it?
    When you first heard the words…..or read them….who told you? Where did you read it?
    Did you really believe it?
    Did it take a minute to sink in?
    Did your stomach drop and your heart sink?
    Did you think "No way! No fucking way!!"
    As if, if you denied it enough, it wouldn't be true?

    For us, for Generation X…..he was our idol…our icon….our parents loved him as a child….but for us, he was an icon. Our first one. Our only true one. No one since, has been adored the way Michael Jackson was…we've had other megastars, superstars, even other icons…..but none of them can even compare to Michael Jackson.  He was ours…and I think for a lot of us…..most of us…..our hearts collectively broke that day.  Despite the weirdness that came to overshadow his greatness….despite the accusations….despite all that, we knew what we lost in that moment.  The moment we heard or read….Michael Jackson is dead.

    Oh my god…..I still can't say it. I still can't read it. It makes my eyes well up to even write it…..how do you wrap your brain around those words?? How???

    I honestly had no idea what Michael Jackson mattered to me. I knew I loved his music, knew I grew up loving his music….but I had no clue…..just no idea. Until he was gone. Gone.

    You all know me….you know how I mark the eras of my life with music. Certain songs take me back…..songs make me feel exactly how I felt then, to the point that sometimes I just can't even listen to the song.

    And the night he died…..I realized just how much he mattered. I realized just how connected his songs are to my life….and I didn't have to go far to find his songs because I have a bunch of his songs on my ipod and I have a Jackson 5 cd in my car because I sing a few of the songs with the kids….

    I still listen….I still love it….I still can't not dance when I hear some of these songs…..

    Michael Jackson – Thriller　PV

    Although not one of my favorite Michael Jackson songs….it ain't Generation X without this….everyone remembers the huge hoopla surrounding the premiere of this video on MTV. This song takes me back to my childhood in Boston.

    Michael Jackson:Human Nature Music Video!

    Another one that from the very first note, I am a little kid again playing double dutch in the streets of Boston….

    Michael Jackson – Dirty Diana

    This song and Smooth Criminal take me to my teenage years….these songs take me to our apartment in Fitchburg and when I ran away and went out on my own….some guys would always sing this song "Dirty Joanna" to me…..fun, crazy and wild memories come when I hear these songs…

    As I got older…..these were the songs that I loved…that I would play over and over and over because they make me want to dance…they make me feel good….can't get enough of them….

    Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' [RIP]

    Michael Jackson – Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

    And this one, I loved….loved seeing them sing together and it reminds me of my brother because he loved it too.

    Michael Jackson Scream HQ

    And this ….because I play it and a couple other Jackson 5 songs for the kids and we dance and sing and have a blast…..these songs remind me of my babies and being a mom and hoping they get my love of music…..

    Jackson Five – ABC

    And this one…I sing to my boy…he always says…"But Mommy, that sounds like a girl!" LOL So cute….

    Ben – Michael Jackson

    and this, just because it's an amazing performance…..love it.

    Michael Jackson Grammys '88-Way You Make Me Feel & MITM

    This song….I was listening to some Michael Jackson music while driving to Fitchburg last night and I was making it through all the songs without losing it…a first since the day he died. But this song comes on and I lose it. And I can't figure why….I think maybe because it's one of my big childhood songs, so maybe the combination is hard…but I'm not convinced that's it. And then I realize what it is…..I listened to this song while I was getting ready the day before he died….it just made me wish I could go back…wish I could go back and somehow have this never happen….not yet. We aren't ready to lose our icons, our idols…..

    Michael Jackson PYT

    The day after he died….I heard no less then 5 or 6 cars go by, blasting Michael Jackson music…I have never seen anything like this in my lifetime…..such a collective heartbreak. Almost everyone feeling the same thing…..the same loss. The same sadness…….

    I saw this quote and I think this sums it up, perfectly….this quote is in regards to Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

    “These people were on our lunchboxes,“ said
    Gary Giovannetti, 38, a manager at HBO who grew up on Long Island awash
    in Farrah and MJ iconography. “This,“ he said, “is the moment when
    Generation X realizes they’re grown up.“

    yeah…..he's right.

  • It’s a deal…

    Today is the first day of summer vacation and me and my son have made a deal.

    I had the front door open, to let in light….gotta have my light….especially given all of this horrid rainy weather we've been having for FOREVER.

    Ben goes by the door and shuts it. For no reason. None.
    I swear he did it just because he likes to annoy the fuck out of me.

    So I yell at him to open the door. He opens it and takes off for the dining room table…crying hysterically.
    Now I'm really pissed. Really pissed may seem extreme….but it's so not. I am so utterly sick of this kid crying. His whiney, I'm not getting my way cry goes straight up my spine into the I wanna beat you spot of my brain. I've said that before….and I mean it.  He just throws fits and cries over EVERYFUCKINGTHING and I can't STAND it. anymore. I really can't. I'm getting to a breaking point with this shit and if he doesn't knock it off, one of these days I just very well may succumb to the voices in my head….LMAO!! 

    So I follow him to the dining room and I ask…

    "Why are you crying, Ben?"
    "You made me!!" he says, through tears.
    "No, I did not Ben….I just told you to shut the door. You know I like the door open and you keep shutting it."  I tell him
    "I wish you were a kid so you'd leave me alone!" he tells me….
    "Yeah?" I say "Well, I'd leave you alone if you'd listen!"
    "I would listen if you didn't yell!" he says
    "I wouldn't yell if you didn't whine and cry like a baby. I am so tired of you crying and whining over everything, Benjamin!!" I inform him
    "I won't whine if you don't yell!" he says
    "You are a liar" I tell him…because he is, he's totally full of shit. It doesn't matter if I'm nice, sweet, patient or if I yell…it's all the same, he cries and whines….
    "I am not a liar anymore." he lets me know..
    "oh really?" I say "Okay…it's a deal then. If you don't whine and cry, I won't yell. "
    And then we shook hands.

    That was a few hours ago and we're doing good so far.

    That little shit is getting way too smart for his own good…..
    LOL

  • Very cool!!

    Anyone who knows me, knows I have a crazy bad "thing" for Bon Jovi….
    and it's truly about Jon Bon Jovi's songwriting….his lyrics…the words.
    That IS what it's all about for me…him being hot, does not hurt anything, but it truly is about the words….

    MY blog title is from one of their songs and in fact, THIS is one of my most favorite gifts I've ever been given in my entire life…..

    Bon Jovi lyric from Kacey edit copy
    Bon Jovi lyric from Kacey edit copy

    The pictures I have put on there…the gift itself is my most favorite lyric they have ever written….
    I swear to God, you could write an entire book around this lyric right here…..
    I am so in love with it and Kacey knew that….and she she gave this to me for Christmas.
    Love it!!!

    So…point being…it' really is about the words for me and I thought this was awesome!!!
    Click the lick below and then look in the Rock N Roll column….

    Check them out!!!

    Jon & Richie have their place in songwriting history and it's nice to see it acknowledged….

    Pretty cool, huh???
    I think so !!!

  • This is just crazy!

    I can't believe my lack of posting…grrr….

    We've had a good week….last weekend was REALLY nice…

    Saturday morning it was nice out…finally…it's been really crappy weather here…figures!!…..anyway, it's beautiful out so we all pack up to go to garage sales. Me, Zak, the kids and my mom. And I am really excited about this, I love garage sales and we have hardly gone to any since we have moved here. Jaime had five bucks from the tooth fairy (she lost another tooth…still no loose ones for Ben..what's up with that???…) so she was super excited to go, too. We find a bike for Ben for only $20, practically new. Which he desperately needs because he's been riding one of Jaime's old ones. It's a bad ass bike though…the purple paint job has been covered up with DUCT tape and he's been cruising the neighborhood on this ghetto bike..lovely! LOL So that was a major score that we were thrilled with….

    Then Jaime scores a blender. A really cute red Disney blender. And I am THRILLED. Why? Because now I can make some yummy blendy drinks…ha!! My mother keeps telling me that I absolutely CANNOT make an alcoholic drink in the Disney blender…whatever…I'll just ignore her. LOL

    .Jaime was thrilled too and she keeps saying how she wants to make strawberry shakes in her new blender….we tell her we have to get strawberries and then we'll do it. Jaime is saying she wishes she could pick her own strawberries and that got us adults all thinking, wondering if there was a farm or something that we could pick strawberries at. So we keep driving around, trying to find more garage sales and we come across a farm that has fresh eggs and flowers and stuff…so we stop to check it out. They have strawberries but they are super expensive, so we pass and figure we can get cheaper ones at the store. I'm all about supporting local business but these were just TOO expensive…But we did get a dozen of fresh eggs, which was really cool. 🙂

    Now we're back to drivng around…and we come around a bend and there is a strawberry field with people picking strawberries and a sign advertising "Pick your own strawberries here!" SO COOL!  I swear it was like meant to be! LOL So of course we pull over and we all get out to pick our own strawberries. We get a ton of them and it was a super good price….and we are on our way to the store now to get ice cream for the strawberry shakes. We do that and come back home and make the shakes. So fun!!  

    Such a fun day and the kind of stuff that I couldn't wait to live back home, to do. Watching Ben cruise on his new bike and Jaime drink her slushie and the sunshiney, hot day….it was just a beautiful, perfect day. Couldn't ask for better!

    Sunday we went to a wedding and had a really good time! It was Brian and Mel. They are a couple that Shelly actually got together and is friends with. I met them through Shelly and have gotten to know them over the last year. We usually see them on our Friday nights out and they are an adorable, super sweet and fun couple. It was so nice to get to go to their wedding. I LOVE weddings and we had a really good time at this one….we all danced and danced and had a great, great time. That was one of me and Shelly's things, back in the day…we danced. Always. All the time. Anywhere. We made up dances at home, we went to clubs to go dancing…we would pull the car over if a kick ass song came on and get out and dance….that was just something that was so me and her. So it was really, really awesome to be back on a dance floor with her. I loved it!!  At one point we were all in a circle dancing and it was a bunch of us girls and each girl, one at a time, would take a turn in the middle of the circle and I'm like, yeah, I'll pass on that…I am not a great dancer so no way am I getting in the freakin' middle of this circle….I'd look like a moo cow having convulsions and I'm not okay with that….so I'm not getting in the middle. Well all of a sudden someone comes up behind me and starts dancing with me from behind….I figure it's Zak…I turn and it's Brian! LOL So cool!! So Brian and I go to the middle of the circle and dance a little and that was a blast!!  LOL Love little fun, spontaneous moments like that!   🙂 Shelly and I danced and danced and Zak and Scott even came out and danced too. Yay!

    It was a beautiful wedding, touching ceramony and a kick ass reception! So happy we went to that….:-)
    Oh and here is a picture of what we gave them for a gift. Shelly and I got them a frame with two openings in it. One side for the picture of them dancing and one side for this….the lyrics to their wedding song. What do you think?

    The broken road lyric example
    The broken road lyric example

    I love it! I was really happy with how it came out! I hope they liked it too!!
    I'll find out when they get back from their honeymoon!! 🙂
    Here is a pic of the newlyweds! How adorable are they??

    Mel and Brian wedding
    Mel and Brian wedding

    Brian and mel dancing
    Brian and mel dancing

    Tah, for now! I'm sure I'll have more tomorrow….it's Ben's last day of school and I'm gonna be a teeny bit sad…I hate endings!!! ugh! 

  • MIA….

    I can't believe it's been a friggin' WEEK!
    That is insane!!!

    It's the crazy end of the year school and summer starting stuff…I've been working like mad on my graphics site and etsy shop. I've been writing and designing stuff….and Zak and I had a couple of mellow, just be together nights.

    There is a bunch going on and sometimes when I sit to write, I just honestly don't know where to start even…..

    Glimpse….

    • Steve's mom passed away and there was a memorial get together type thing for her on Tuesday. Shelly and I went to that….
    • Jaime had a really cute, small play at school. Me and Mom went and Zak had a class so he couldn't go, or so we thought. Last minute he walked through the door! Jaime was so happy he was there!
    • Ben was amazingly good all week. He played by himself and really let me get a lot done. I was so floored by it that the first day he did it, I kept thinking something HAD to be wrong with him…..
    • the weather completely and utterly sucked….3 days of rain is about my limit, I've discovered. Then I get mad. Really, really fucking mad.
    • Talked to Ceci a couple times.
    • Kayla texted me and called me.
    • Talked to DJ on facebook…
    • JR parked his truck in the view of a webcam so I could see it! I so dig that guy….he loves me! He really, really loves me!!! LOL
    • Talked to Alaska Kim for awhile and that made me so happy! She was up on her roof sunbathing and drinking a beer and of all the time I have been gone, never have I felt such a "I miss her so much" moment in my heart. I've missed her, of course, but this one was a doozy. I was honestly thisclose to crying. I miss her. I miss her a lot and all I wanted to do in that moment was go to her house with a six pack and sit on the roof in the sunshine and have a few beers with my bud. It's just something I would've loved to have done with her so I think that made me miss her a lot. She's so fun and we would've had a freakin' blast up there on that roof in the sun…..:-)
    • Made a lot of progress on my graphics website and my etsy shop. It's getting close and I can't wait to start promoting it!!
    • A good friend that hasn't been acting like a good friend was constantly in touch with me like he used to be and that made me happy.
    • Went to a bar that I've never been to before and really enjoyed it! Cute little place. 
    • Talked to J a lot and she is so inpsiring and just such an awesome friend. Love that I get to talk to her so much…she is a big motivator for my website and stuff and I love it!!
    • Got back in touch wth a childhood friend and am going to be getting in touch with my childhood best friend and I am psyched!!!!!  I'll explain more about that one later…..

    So that is my news, in brief and I know I am forgetting stuff and if it's you….forgive me! I'm doing this super quick before dinner and before I head out…thanks for understanding and loving me anyway! LOL

    tah!

    •  

  • Another funny…

    Here's a another hysterical picture for your viewing pleasure.
    Well, truthfully I'm only posting for one reason…since I had to endure the horror of seeing this, I'm going to make you suffer too! LOL

    Seriously…it IS hysterical! I am including the writing from the email the pic came in…

    Danielle sent me this gem…
    This
    was taken in front of the Gardendale,
     
    Alabama  Wal-Mart, where
     the young  lady was
    shopping at
    the Flea market.


    Wow just wow
    Wow just wow

    Now
    I ask you…
    Who
    stands and looks at a
          pair
    of men's briefs and says hummmm…I can
     make me
    a
    nice  summer top from these!!  

     

     On
    the other  hand…$6 for a three pack is a
    good price!!  
    But
     what  if they weren't bought new?
     That's redneck recycling at its
     best.
    Don't
    throw out yer feller's drawers when the
    skidmarks don't wash out no more..  Just
    cut the crotch out and wear 'em.
     

    How
    very Green!    Al Gore would be
     proud.

    ***********************************

    Gotta love it!!! LOL

  • Hysterical!

    I saw this last night and about died laughing….

    Obama's blackberry
    Obama's blackberry

    Call me easy to amuse but just the image of this actually happening so made me laugh….

    Here's the story that goes with it…

    Obama's Blackberry

    funny as hell!

  • Family time…

    My cousin's daughter, Josslin, is graduating. High school. So weird.  I can't believe she's all grown up. Looking at Josslin makes me realize just how long I lived in Alaska. I was there almost her whole entire life….it blows my mind when I put my time there into that kind of context…it makes it feel like I was gone an entire lifetime….which is okay, this is not a bash Alaska thing, it just puts the time into a different kind of perspective and it throws me a for loop every once in awhile….LOL

    Billiejo threw a huge party for her and we went down to the cape for it and had a really, really good time. Me, maybe a little too good of a time. I kinda sorta maybe fell asleep (okay, okay..passed out…) for a couple hours of it. Not my fault though. Honestly, this time!! Let me explain…

    I have a serious, serious problem with driving on the highways down here. Actually, let me correct that, I have a huge problem with being a passenger on the highways down here. I have serious anxiety attacks and it is not fun for me, nor the person driving. So on this trip to the cape I decide I'm going to take a valium to see if that helps ease the anxiety. It worked. Like a dream. I only flinched when I had a legitimate reason to..(car swerving into our lane…lol) and it was a much better ride. Whoo-hoo!

    Well, we get to the cape and there is no alcohol. Apparently that doesn't come until later at Billiejo's parties. Well that's not gonna work for me cause I'm still feeling kind of good from the valium and I'm wanting to keep this party going. So Zak takes me to the liquor store and I get some stuff. And then go back to the party and drink it. And then promptly go to sleep. Not good. I actually didn't drink too much, it was the valium that I compeltely misjudged. I took two when I should've only taken one. My bad. Duly noted for the next time. ..

    Anyway….the party was such a  blast and I saw family that I haven't seen since I was a kid…..so cool! I love family parties like that, so love when we all get together. Zak had a blast because they broke out the volleyball net and they played some serious volleyball and he gets along with everyone in my family so well. The kids had a blast with all the other kids….it was just a good time all around. My cousin Freddy called and I got to talk to him which was really nice because I haven't talked to him in probably over a year. It was such a great day and such a great party.

    On the way down to the cape, we hopped off the highway and drove through my old neighborhood in Boston. So freakin' cool to go through there with the kids and show them where I grew up. I got to show them a few of the schools we went to, the stores we used to go to for my mom, the streets we used to play on, the subway station I walked to to take the train to school. They got a see a subway train for the first time….it was just so neat. And one thing as we were driving around, I realized…no way in hell would I raise my kids in the city! No freakin' way!! LOL I was 8 when we moved back to Boston from Iowa…same age as Jaime is now and I can't fathom for an instant her playing on the sidewalks of Boston….it makes me shudder just thinking it!! I would be so scared….just so nervous something would happen to her. It just made me laugh…how different things are for my kids than they were for me when I was a child. Another great thing about driving through Boston is when we went by our old apartment, I looked at the house, of course, and realized they changed the door!! Remember the pictures I had taken of my old apartment and remember how excited I was that the door was still the same?? In case you don't, here's the post….Boston
    Anyway, seeing that door changed made me so, so grateful that I got those pics!! Yay!!!

    It was a fantastic day filled with nostalgia and the realization that I am so glad that I was able to move back home. I love being close to where I came from….being close to my roots. And as much as I miss the people in Alaska…there truly is no place like home….

     

  • Truly amazing….

    I want to blog about my cousin's graduation party but Zak, me and my mommy are about to sit down and watch Slumdog Millionaire….so I don't have time to blog about that…but I had to post this….
    Ashton Kutcher tweeted this and I am blown away!!! Absolutely blown away…

    PS22 Chorus "LANDSLIDE" by FLEETWOOD MAC (acoustic version)

    I so love their faces…..they are truly feeling the music, feeling the moment…I love it! I could watch this five thousand times and not get sick of it. When Zak and I renew our vows in 5 years (on our 22nd anniversary…) we are so going to find a children's choir….because really, is there anything more beautiful, more pure, more amazing than something like this???

  • Smart in a sadistic kind of way…

    I'll give you three guesses who I'm talking about.

    The boy.
    My son.
    Ben.
    Yeah, him…..bet you didn't see that coming, huh?
    LOL

    So now I think we all as parents threaten our children with grave physical harm, at one point or another. Threats that sound social services investigation worthy but that we all know, the kids included, we won't carry out. It just feels good to say it. You with me?? I know most of you are….I also know some of you are not. I'd like to know what drugs you are taking and how do I get some?? Ha! Seriously…I know there are some parents out there that don't make these terrible threats and kudos to you. But that ain't me. At all. I'm a threaten kind of mom. And they knew it's just a threat…usually. I have a few that I use on a regular basis…I"m going to punch you in the head. I'm going to knock you into next week. And the ever favorite….I will break your face.  Now these sound terrible. I know. But I can count on one friggin' hand how many times I've actually disciplined these kids with physical means. Not that I'm against it, but it's just not an effective way to discipline our kids. Jaime, all you have to do is look at her and she shapes up. Ben, it just enrages him. It makes the situation a million times worse. It does not help at all. So for either kid, spanking has just never been the best way to handle them. So these kids know when I say I'm gonna knock them into next week. I'm not. They just know they have seriously pissed me off. LOL

    So anyway…Jaime and Ben are bickering the other day. I'm at my computer, which is tucked into the back corner of the living room. behind a big chair in the living room. They are fighting…bickering..being obnoxious. Ben has run over to wher I am sitting and is standing beside me. Jaime is on the other side of the chair and now they are yelling back and forth at each other and Ben is seriously being so friggin' irratating. He keeps yelling "Stop" everytime Jaime tries to talk to him. That's maddening!! So finally Jaime has had enough, she comes stomping around the chair like she is going to beat his ass. (Like he totally deserves, but I can't let her do….) and when she gets close, I put up my finger into her face and make her stop and say "If you lay a finger on my son I will break your face, little girl."  So she stops and they just go back to bickering. I'm kind of staying out of it, just listening to see if maybe they can work it out themselves. When Jaime came stomping at him, he had crawled up into my lap to get away from her. So here Ben is, on my lap and they are fighting. Annoying, stupid fighting too. After about 10 minutes, Ben looks up at me and says…and I swear on my marriage this is true….

     "Mommy..will you give Jaime permission to hit me so you will break her face?"

    and this little shit, MEANT it. He honestly meant it!!!
    I couldn't believe it….I died laughing and told him…."yeah, no Ben…I'm not going to let Jaime do something she's not supposed to do just so I'll be mad at her…" and he procedes to pout! As if he had a chance of this really happening!!!
    LOL

    Now, I know it's not the best story I can come up with to talk about how smart my little guy is getting….but it IS funny as hell!!!!

    He's so getting it!!!! LOL