Anything But Gray

So.
As you have obviously noticed, I have not been updating very much and when I have, it's been rather "generic" stuff…not too much about what is going on in our life, right now.

The day after I blogged this….Premonition materializes….big things happened.
And I wasn't exactly in the mind frame to blog.

We had a lot of things to figure out, think about and deal with and that consumed every spare moment of my time.

Then when things settled down, slightly….and I did have the time to blog, it felt like I was being a fake or a phony.
It felt like how can I talk about whatever, when "this" was going on?

But I didn't want to put "this" out there for public consumption.

Not that I have a million readers to my blog or anything, but I just didn't want this particular issue to be thrown out there for anyone to read. 

My close family and friends know the deal and what's going on….but to put it out there on my blog?
I didn't want to do that. But I felt a little dishonest about blogging as if all was well.

So that made me sit and think about my blog and me…
And I have come to realize, it doesn't make me fake or phony to blog about "good" stuff  or other stuff, when life is tough.
 
In fact, I realized that it actually helps me to keep talking about other stuff and writing always helps ease my mind and calm me down, regardless of the content.  It's very, very therapeutic for me. It always has been.

I likened it to this type of situation…Zak and I can be having a full on knock down drag out fight and we are still cool to the kids. We put on our happy faces and take care of them and get back to the fight, later.

And that doesn't mean we're lying to them by being happy even though we are raging pissed off inside.

It simply means…it's on "pause" while we deal with other stuff.

Nothing wrong with a pause.
Nothing dishonest about putting a problem on pause and focusing your mind on something else for a little while.
Right?

I'm an honest person, perhaps to a fault, even. I am a fervent believer in karma and I know for every lie I might tell, it will come back to me a million times worse. I just don't lie. I'm not fake and I don't bullshit people.

So it took me a minute to figure out this blog thing and how it fit into my conscience.

A bit of time, space and reflection is all I needed.
I'm good.

So…to the people that read this loyally…which I love you for…it makes me feel good…..and have been wondering what the hell is going on….thanks for hanging in there.

Unpause.