Anything But Gray

what was it….2 years ago or so?….whatever it was….I got my real estate license so I could go back to work.
Why?
Because Zak needed my help….the very few things he wasn't good at with real estate, I excelled at so it just made sense….but another part of it was I was burned out of my SAHM mom job. I had been there for 5 years and I just needed to get back to work….I just wanted to be around adults again and use my brain again…and just be me again.

Since we've moved I have not worked because it is not financially worth it.
As well all know SAHM does not translate into good money in the work force.
But I tell you, this not working again is tough.
I am so done with it and I have 7 months to go…..7 effin' months. 

Nice. Just fucking wonderful. <sigh>

I love my kids, adore my kids…but the constantness of them is so overwhelming sometimes and this is just one of those days.  Ceci used to say, when i would bitch that they wouldn't give me a break, that they are like pain in the ass customers that won't go away. And that's kind of it.
I mean, you can't just take care of them or play with them for awhile and then have them give you some space for an hour or something. Nope, not them. It's just constant. I cannot, absolutely cannot, get anything done that requires concentration when my son is around. He is a constant barrage of "Mommy, get this…Mommy, get that….Mommy, can I have this? Mommy…will you fix this…Mommy, can I watch this….." It just seriously never ends. It's just impossible to think with him around.

And you can lecture me and give me all the "well try this" advice you want, but seriously…..#1 I have tried it all already. #2. I'm burned out. I just don't *love* this job anymore. It's really as simple as that.
 
I want to leave my "bad" day at the office and come home and be happy to see my kids.
I want to have more patience with them.
I want to want to hang out with them….not get a break from them.
you know?

And of course, I'll get through this and I"ll look back and think it went by so fast….
but man, it's tough right now.
Really friggin' tough.