Anything But Gray

Jaime:  Hey, Mama.
Me:      Hey, whatta
Jaime:  How do you become pregnant?
Me:      <thinking in head> ah, fuck.

I then proceed to utterly ignore the question, grab the phone and head outside (because yes, I am hiding from my 7 year old daughter and her way too grown up question) , where I call my mom for help.  I honestly have no clue what to tell her. Up until now, she thinks babies just kind of show up after you fall in love and after you get married.
My mother thinks this is hysterical and is no help….
Mom : "So you're outside hiding?"
Me:     " yeah, mommy….I am hiding. Zak and I have not talked about this and I don't know what to tell her, so I'm just ignoring it until I figure out what the hell to tell her."
Mom: "Just be glad you're not in the car and driving and behind a sheriff's car."
apparently this is when one of us kids popped the big question, I think it was Marky, and she crashed into the  back of the cruiser….okay…so yeah, she's got me beat there. For sure.
So, I hang up with her and call Zak.

I tell him the situation and he bursts into laughter and says…"Yeah, good luck with that. That's a mommy/daughter thing. I got nothing."
big help, he is.
We discuss it a bit more and we're torn. I'm wanting to go with the G rated fairytale version, which is when a husband and wife love each other so much that they can't hold not even a pinch (her favorite expression for a teeny bit) more love inside their hearts, a whole new person is made with all that extra love they have. But what I worry about with this version is I don't want to make her look stupid, either. Because you know this is going to come up among her and her friends. But I don't think a 7 year old needs to know about sperm and eggs and periods and fertilization. You know?
And frankly, I like her head filled with fairytale crap as long as I can get away with it. lol. She will figure out the stark reality of life, soon enough……and as long as I still have the power to get her to believe in fairytales, well damnit…I'm gonna do it. lol.

Zak and I decided on the G rated fairytale version….but before I offer up any information, I want to see what she knows. So I go back inside and ask her how come she wanted to know? And she just did….no reason. I asked her if she and her friends were talking about it or something and she said no, she just wanted to know. And I said oh….and nothing else and she said nothing else.
Whew….bullet dodged and I think we're safe, for now. LOL. 

Ugh.
How did we not ever talk about this before?
How do you get to be married for 16 friggin' years and never discuss what and when to talk about sex with your chldren???