Anything But Gray

Kim got here yesterday and she spent the night, with Brandon and itty bitty.

It's so, so nice to have her here. Nice really doesn't sound like a good enough word to describe what having her here feels like. Awesome. Fantastic. Jump up and down happy.
Seriously.
She's out for the day visiting with family and having dinner with her father and his new wife, but her and the kids will be back later and she will spend the night again. Yay!

Brandon has changed so much! He's such a boy now. His face has changed and lost all the toddler chubbiness. He just looks so….big….so grown up. When I saw him I just scooped him up in my arms and held on tight and I didn't want to freak him out by crying, but I couldn't help it! I managed to not turn it into a full on sob fest, but I couldn't stop the tears. I don't have favorites with the kids that I love, but Brandon means so much to me. Brandon is special to me…and very special to me and Kim's relationship. He's my real live walking, talking, breathing, tangible proof that everything happens for a reason. 

Kim and Boyce had a difficult time getting pregnant and they went through so much trying. Finally it was determined that physically Kim would not be able to get pregnant, so they decided to try in vitro. Kim is Catholic and she struggled over this decision. This was not an easy decision for her, given her faith.  So they try it and she loses all the babies. All of them. And for Kim, every fertilized embryo they placed inside her, was a baby….and the loss was excruciating for her.  But she somehow managed to gather her strength and faith and decided to try again. During this time, Zak and I were also finally trying to get pregnant. We weren't really "trying" but more like not stopping it from happening anymore. I used to tell Kim, "Don't worry…you'll get pregnant. Maybe God just wants you to be pregnant with me. He wants us to go through having babies together." That was my reassurance on why things were happening the way they were, for her.  So they try the in vitro again. And again, Kim loses all the babies. And this time was much harder for her to recover from. And right after she tried and lost the babies, Zak and I got pregnant. That was tough and her and I talked about it quite a bit. She was, of course, ecstatic for us, knowing how long we waited to have children, but there obviously was a part of her that was like…okay…what on earth is the reason for this?.…and I was too, for that matter. It broke my heart that I had gotten pregnant and she didn't.  During my pregnancy she was happy for me and was supportive and wonderful to me. During my pregnancy she and Boyce had decided they would not do the in vitro again and they decided to become foster parents.
2 weeks before Jaime was born, Kim got a call from the hospital asking if she'd be willing to take an infant. A brand new just born that day, infant. Kim, of course, jumped at the chance. We wound up giving her a lot of stuff that we had 2 of because she just didn't have anything for a baby. And that's how she got Brandon.
2 weeks later Jaime was born and Kim and Brandon came over to see her, of course.
While we're holding our babies, I say to Kim…."See? I told you God wanted us to have babies together."

I get goosebumps just thinking of the whole story.

So for me….Brandon just means so much…..just looking at him reminds me of how amazing life is and how quickly things can change. And that if you just have faith, no matter what your faith may be, but if you just keep on keepin' on….it'll all work out the way it's supposed to.