Anything But Gray

It wasn't supposed to be hard to leave….

The one sentence that is going through my head over and over and over.
It never was supposed to be this hard to leave Alaska.

Kim came by last night and when she left, I was crying and Zak was hugging me telling me that it's okay…..
and I was like "I know, I know…it's just it'll never be the same again"
and that's what is tough. knowing that life will never be the same again.
It's a good thing….leaving here has always been what we planned and I am so excited for Zak because I think he is going to do so well "in the real world". So much of Alaska holds him back, some of it he could overcome, some of it he couldn't. But for him, professionally, I think moving is exactly what he needs right now.
And I'm excited to get back to my family and friends. I'm excited to get back to nice weather. Real radio stations. Lakes that you can actually swim in because it's warm enough. Warm summer nights…..
But even being excited about all that, doesn't make leaving the people I love here, any easier.
It's hard. Much harder than I ever imagined it would be.

I don't love easy. And I don't love a little. The people that I love here are what has made living here bearable for me. They all mean the world to me and I am going to miss them so much. 

I'm not a big fan of change. I never have been. And I have been so certain that we are making the right decision for us. But all this emotion has me totally second guessing all of this and I know I shouldn't. But it's hard not to.
Let's just say thank God our stuff is on a boat….lol.
Because it's real tempting right now to just unpack the truck and stay.
But you know….even if I did that, I wouldn't be happy here….
I just wish leaving was easier…