Anything But Gray

I wake up.
I slip out of bed and quietly leave the bedroom.
I walk past Jaime's room.
I glance in and look at the empty bed.
Then I pass Ben's room.
I peek in his room and look at his empty bed.
I start the coffee and sit down to wait for it to finish and I take a deep breath and sigh.
I miss them.
I feel alone. Not lonely, mind you, but alone.
And this doesn't feel as good as I thought it would feel, to be honest.
And then I think…..wow…this must be what it's going to feel like when they grow up and go to college and leave us.
It just feels alone. There's a feeling of….well, crap…what do I do now? lol.

Last night was the very first time the kids were both gone. My awesome niece Kayla, invited them over to her house for a sleep over and let me tell you, were they PSYCHED and couldn't wait. We were excited too because it was the first time in 7 years…first time since Jaime's been born that we got the house to ourselves for a whole night. We've always had people come here to watch the kids. And this is Ben's first true sleep over. I am so happy for them, but there is a part of me that was a teeny bit sad. I think it's the moment when you are realize your "babies" are now "kids" and have a life all their own.

Next time I think I will enjoy it more. This time there was a little feeling of mommy saying bye to one stage of their lives and hello to another.
Next time…..then it'll be more fun and exciting for me. lol.

It's so unreal how fast they grow….how quick time goes by.