Anything But Gray

We made it back.
Flights back were good.
Kids traveled well, as always.
Lucky ducks, we are….those two rambunctious kids of ours travel fantastically.

All in all, the trip was good and we got a lot set up in preparation of our move.
It was too busy but then, we knew it would be. Being so busy was tough. When you haven't been home in 2.5 years, all you want in the world when you get there is to gather up all the hearts you've been missing and spend every single second with every single beat of those hearts…
but it was a working vacation, we had so much to get done and I just didn't have the time I would've liked to spend with everyone. And when it comes to having to divide up what little bit of free time I had, among all of my family and friends back there…that's when the realization hits of how damn lucky I am…there are so many people I love there and so many who love me. 17 years…..I've been gone 17 years and they are still there…..I am blessed. Truly blessed.

The highs…

• My sister….I cannot put into words how much this woman has changed and how much I love those changes….I am so proud of her.
• Seeing my family….my cousin anticipating our move and starting to make THANKSGIVING plans. lol God, I love that girl.
• 3rd or 4th day there, waking up and walking into the living room and seeing Ben cuddled up with my sister on the couch. He had woken up in the middle of the night and went to her instead of Zak and I.
• Jaime and Gabby being inseparable.
• Getting a song sung to me (Good Morning, Beautiful) on my voice mail from one of my dearest friends. (I adore you!!!! )
• "We can just talk….."  he said. And we did. The same as always, a few beers, his truck, in the dark……some things never change. And I didn't have to feel guilty, for the first time in over 10 years.
• Getting lost trying to find the towers with Shelly. Yet again, some things never change. "Dude…I must've been shitfaced because I so don't remember going this way….."
• Going to dinner with Zak, Shelly & Scott and Steve. Wow…holy friggin' wow.
• Steve coming up to see me…..it felt like old times.
• Shelly and I taking Steve's truck and running to get the kids food and leaving the kids with Scotty and Steve. WEIRD.
• Seeing Scotty grown up. REALLY WEIRD.
• the sunshine…..
• the shopping….

The lows

• not enough time to spend with everyone.
• my sister getting a bad leg infection…I just don't like seeing her in pain.
• Not getting to see one of my friends.
• Seeing Scotty all grown up.
• Seeing Main St. and being reminded that it is so all gone.
• not getting to see a hugely important to me couple. They are (were?!?!?!)  like second parents…they are my safe place. My haven…my runaway. And not hearing from them….not knowing what's going on. I'm worried about them and their kids, I'm worried something has happened to someone. I'm worried they are upset with me….I just have no idea what's going on and this is going to keep me awake at night…this breaks my heart….this brings me thisclose to tears and I have to take a big breath and compose myself. I am struggling to deal with this. Really struggling.
• being so busy I didn't have time to blog or check my email.
• That is honestly about it. It was a fantastic vacation.

Today was back to the grind. Back to real life…
Bills, voice mails, cleaning up the house, catching up on blogs and just puttering. Jaime didn't make it back to school, she has a fever and I don't know what's up so I kept her home….

Hopefully tomorrow she'll make it back and everything will truly be back to normal!