Anything But Gray

Which I think is very fitting, given it's Halloween time and my absolute least favorite holiday. In fact, I loathe Halloween and the absolute only reason I give it any notice whatsoever is because of my kids. I'm just not a costume person and I'm not even that into candy….lol.

Anyway…
It has been many years since I have been broadsided as badly as I was these past few weeks.
It was the cumulation of so many things. Big things, not just I broke a nail crap….but big issues. Some private, some not…but each time I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse, it did.
Then add on top of that, I was so sick that I was sleeping sitting up because I couldn't breath when I tried to lay down, both the kids got sick, to the point that I had to take Jaime to the doctor (which if you know me, you know this is big. I do not run my kids into the doctor's for every little sniffle…in fact, outside of yearly checkups, this is only her 2nd trip to the doctor and she's 6 years old.)
We are all better now and most of the problems that happened are fixed or getting better. Or I'm just in a better place and ready to take them on.

In a nutshell, that's what happened. I just got to a place where I just couldn't deal with anything or anyone.
As has most everyone on the planet, be it sexually, emotionally, socially or financially (whatever the issue may be) I have hit rock bottom many, many times in my life. And each time, I stick my chin up and fight the good fight. I search and search and find the "reason" in whatever problem has risen it's head in my life. Every once in awhile I get weary of fighting. I get so sick to death of hitting rock bottom and then fighting my way to the top again. This time I figured I was just gonna plant my ass on that rock at the bottom. And just stay there. Why fight to the top just wind up back down there again?  I couldn't fight my way back. I just simply didn't have it in me. I can only live that way so long though and the fighter in me rises to the occasion. It just took me a lot longer than it typically does and I kind of ignored most everyone in the meantime, which is very unlike me. I am definitely a talker…I can talk and talk about my problems until I'm blue in the face and everyone is sick of the sound of my voice. But this time was different, I was in such a bad place.  I am so lucky and blessed with my friends and family that I knew they would offer help, solutions or words of encouragement and I was in a very angry, cynical, defiant and defeated place. I knew anything they had to offer would be shot down and greeted with sarcasm and disbelief. They don't deserve that. No one that is just trying to help, does. And it took all I had to be a decent human being to the people I had to (my kids, teachers, parents, clients…etc.) that I just didn't have any extra to spare…not a bit.

This is just an explanation of sorts.
And letting everyone know that everything is good.
And I'm baaaaack. lol.

I have a lot of reading to do tomorrow! I haven't even looked at J's blog, which I read religiously and love, and all my emails to go through and just tons and tons of catching up….
Tomorrow….
I actually can't wait!