Anything But Gray

When I finally knew that you were
forever

I drew a huge sigh of relief

Laid in your arms feeling safety
at last

knowing that you'd never leave

 

The efforts you made to make me
turn around

the promises, oh how they came

I ran to you hopeful with my
broken heart

that you'd never treat me the
same

 
You held me so close while you
swore I had seen

all of the pain that I'd know

You'd love me like heaven while
letting me shine

as you'd never let me go

Like an innocent child I let go
of the edge

knowing you won't let me drown

You threw me up into the air
while you swore

you'd never let me down

 
Well maybe you tired as I weighed
you down

by not having learned how to swim

When you just got out I tried so
hard to breath

but I sank as the pain flooded in

 
"I'm drowning" I cried but you just
walked away

wishing I wouldn't for long

You couldn't look at the pain you
had caused as

I stared until you were gone

Somehow I found my way back to
the edge

kicking and gasping for air

Thinking that maybe you're
waiting for me

and wonderin' when I'll get there

 

But no one was waiting, what a
fool am I

though I found the edge by myself

in the time that it took me to
get there I know

I'm once again somebody else

 

I'm much wiser now than I've been
in the past

doubtful and yes, insecure

Stiffened and cynical, strong,
weak and scared

violently calm and unsure

 

I sit in amazement to what I can
take

How much I've gained having lost

What will you lose and when will
it contribute

to all of the pain this has
caused

 

Like an innocent child I sit on
the edge with

my arms folded under my frown

Still even you could convince me
to jump but

I know even you'll let me drown

 

With you having been so
believable then

and me having been so naive

How can I think that I'll ever be
safe

if a love like yours can just
leave

–Cecilia Knutson