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It kinda feels like this…

Apparently I seem to be unable to put into words to make people understand what's up with me.
It's bigger than I can put into words and it's bigger than what I've been able to describe and it's more than what I've talked about. It's not the end of the world….but it's not quite as trivial as people seem to think it is…

But it is unexplainable. This will come as a shock to everyone who knows me, but believe it or not there are some things I keep private. There are some things I don't tell. Well…unfortunately for me, a big part of my funk is stemming from issues that I don't talk to anyone about.

So yeah…of course people aren't getting it.
Pretty hard to get when I can't tell….

I was flipping through Ceci's book and I came across a poem and a part of it is just perfect.
Just perfect.

I can tell you've left me now

t
he air of pain is sound
you wait outside for me to rise
but I am too far down

Your rope just isn't long enough


to pull me back to you


but long enough to hang what's left


of life that I've been through


It dangles as I teeter on


the edge of how it ends


it's worse in here each time I'm saved


so save myself again?


It's cold, I'm cold, it's dark, I am


it hurts, I cannot see


I walk around the emptiness


that walks around in me


I hold my breath to listen but


I know not yet my means


the beating of my heartbreak or


the silence in between?


I wish I could write like her.
if only….

.

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2 responses to “It kinda feels like this…”

  1. Hurricane Hetta Avatar
    Hurricane Hetta

    Everyone goes through these times.  Though my feeling is different than yours we all have periods in our lives where things seem crooked or something.  I’ve been having that knotty feeling in my stomach since Dave’s last surgery and I’ve felt restless and and sick, basically.  My problem is anxiety of which I’ve recently been taken medicine to help.  I’m just not as physically active as I was a year ago and I know that has a lot to do with my feelings of instability.

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  2. Joey Avatar
    Joey

    That’s a really good thing, when you can recognize what’s wrong and what’s contributing to it and do something to help it.Figuring out the root of the problem is half the battle!

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