Anything But Gray

I'm a writer. Always have been.
I've kept diaries and journals all my life.
And I used to write song lyrics.
They are all very, very rough in their format, they sound more like poems, but the intent is to be lyrics.
Which might've worked out great if I knew how to play a friggin' instrument.
I have a book and a half of these lyrics.
I haven't wrote in years. Years and years. I'm too lazy to go look for the date, but I'm pretty sure the last thing I wrote was in 1999. Okay..this will drive me nuts, I have to go look.
Back.
I was right. May 1st, 1999 was the last time I wrote a lyric.
I kind of got out of writing because that's right when we moved and I no longer had anywhere private to write. And I have to have my privacy to write. Writing is a mindset, it's a mood and unfortunately for me, if I'm writing and in that mindset and someone even so much as walks in the room, that's it…I'm done. Mood is gone. So nowhere private to write kind of did me in and then the kids came and that REALLY did me in. lol.

I have a thousand "starts" and ideas that I keep for when I do get back to writing.
And today, I finished one.
I can't believe it.
I'm psyched and it's making me want to write and write and write!

I've always wrote for me. It helps me sort things out and pen to paper is hugely theraputic for me.
But when I got into writing lyrics I started to be able to write in a hypothetical kind of way. A lot of my lyrics are my reality, me trying to purge my emotions but more and more I started to be able to write from the outside looking in, rather than from the inside out. Very cool.
I'd be feeling something and I'd jot a little paragraph or line, down. Well I'd go back to it later and not be "feeling" that anymore, but I'd be able to go ahead and finish it out. Which I loved that I was becoming better and better at doing that. I liked being able to call upon my imagination and not just use my reality. It was cool. Anyway…this is one of those times.
FYI….there's an F bomb. 🙂

New Crown
 
One simple sentence
six little words
changed everything
about our world
Regret got a grip
and kept us in line
still I thought the longing
kept on in your mind
But one simple sentence
with too many words
dragged all my daydreams
down to the dirt

Fuck your resistance and indifferent tone
You opened that door but then slammed it closed
Why even peek in if you weren't there to stay?
Why tempt me like that just to shove me away?
Why destroy the innocence in an innocent girl?
And not give her a new crown to wear in your world.

I wasn't looking for
the man you were that night
but I didn't resist
cause it felt so right
I just wanted to be
a safe place for you
and selfishly I wanted
to feel all of you
We kept your weakness a secret
and we never went back
Till I asked the question
I now wish I never had

and stupid me believed I was a star in your mind
a desire resisted for all of this time
words left unspoken but they were all I heard
But now I know there won't be a new crown for this girl
***************************************************************************

tah-dah!
It feels a little weird, posting this. lol
I have people in my life now that I don't think even know I used to write lyrics much less have ever read one of mine.
So I feel a little "naked". lol
But I'm so, so psyched!
And J is going to be THRILLED for me.

Enjoy!
Yay to me!!!
ha!!