Anything But Gray

It has been absolutely beautiful out!!!
We've been out and about, enjoying it.
We met Danielle & Joey at the beach yesterday and we all had an awesome time.

We all went out on date night last week (Ceci, JR, Marky and Tim who is a guy Ceci works with) and a friend of me and Zak's met us there. We had a BLAST. It was the karoke guys last Thursday night, so we really wanted to go. I am so glad our friend met us there. We haven't been able to hook up with her on a Thursday night in AGES.
There was a navy boat in port and all the dudes in the spiffy little uniforms were there.
I was up in the middle of the bar, watching whoever was singing and one of the navy guys asked to see my tattoo. (I had a little tee shirt on, my tee shirt that says "Rainy Days Make Me Wet" ha!!!!) and I showed him and we started talking. Really nice guy. I liked him. I was maybe a little bit flirty with the navy dudes…it was fun. We all had a blast. Ceci sang, Zak sang, JR sang….SO MUCH FUN!!! I can't wait to do it again.

So the next day I meet Danielle at her office for lunch. The lady that Danielle works with mentions that the navy boat is having tours. I was like…"ahhh..yeah, I can't go on the boat. No way can I go on that boat." And the lady starts laughing and she says "yeah, I saw you out last night." I was like shit…what time? LOL She's like no, no you were fine…lol. Whew….she must've saw me early. lol.

My sister's graduation was Saturday!!
I AM SO PROUD OF HER!!!!!
here's a pic!

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My mother….<sigh> She looked on line for my nonexistent father's email address and she found it and then emailed him to tell him "your daughter is graduating from college on Saturday." and then gave him Niki's email address and phone numbers.
I hope she doesn't tell my sister that she did that cause there is no way this man is going to email or call her.
We (my brother and sister and I) all handle the fact that this man couldn't care less about us, but to have it so blatantly displayed would be heartbreaking. I don't care how much we don't give a shit about him. I know it would break my heart if I knew someone told him something major was going on with me and he didn't respond.
You know…now that I have children, I honestly can say I don't get it. I don't get how you can have children and just throw them aside. I tried to start a relationship up with him around 1991 or 1992. He essentially blamed me for not keeping in touch, too. He told me how he's always been easy to find and it's my fault too for not keeping in touch.
At the time, I accepted this, but the more I thought about it, the more I was like that's bullshit. I was a CHILD. A freakin' kid. How the fuck am I supposed to know how to get in touch with him? And it irked me that he would so immediately pass the buck.
<shrugging> oh well. My mom was a good enough parent to make up for not having him.
Don't need him anyway. Never have, never will.
But I will say, if he dies and does not mention us in his will, if he does not leave us something…a letter…anything, just something that says he cared…that is going to suck.
To know that half of my being, to know that my father……really didn't care if I was alive, dead…whatever….
That's enough to break anyone's heart.
To know that part of what created you….disposed of you so easily, in their heart.
Just let us go….
yeah…that's going to suck.

That was so not where I was going when I started that. Geez!

I got to speak to J for a little bit today and that was cool. I miss talking to her.
In a way the blog sucks because I think we both keep up with each other, so we have been slacking on the phone calls.
Gotta quit that because I miss her. Miss our chats.
Although she has been on im in the morning and that's been neat.
She's been the first one I speak to everyday quite a few times lately and I like that.
it just starts my day off nice.

I had an absolutely, perfect for me business idea. Zak doesn't want me to do it, though. He thinks I don't have the time. We just had a conversation about how I feel overwhelmed and feel like I have to do everything. Then 3 days later I decide I'm going to start a business….
Okay…he may be right.
And I think I'm an idiot.
LOL

And on that note, I'm out….
later!