Anything But Gray

I have a my space page. It's hardly anything. Barely any work went into or goes into it but sometimes I'll throw a lyric of the day on there….when I'm in the mood to write. I don't post it here because I don't want to bore the people that do read this blog with this kind of stuff. But I really wanted to post this one…
hope you don't mind….

Lyric of the day…

~I
know what I've lost/on this quiet night/I still felt your grasp upon
me/as I boarded the flight/I watched you there in the window/I wondered
how long you'd stay/waving your arms at the jumbo/as it tore us both
away/I wish I could just turn myself around/follow my heart back to you
on the ground/I know just for tonight/it's harder to hear than
good-bye/I miss you..~~

I Miss You–Ringside.

Ceci showed
me this song after I had got back from my last vacation home. It was
just a cool song she wanted to show me, she had no clue what it would
do to me and the memories it would immediately attach itself to.

My
sister drove me to the airport the morning I left. It was sunny, warm
and as my sister and I were driving on the highway, on the way to the
airport it was killing me to leave. It hasn't been that hard to leave
in a lot of years. That vacation was just so full of family, friends
and a couple of wild crazy nights. I just wanted to stay and have my
family come there. Just stay forever….
We got to the airport and I
got all checked in and my sister and I hung out in front of the airport
by her car, smoking a last cigarette before I had to go. I wanted a few
minutes to be able to call Dave and Wanda before I went through
security, so she was going to leave a few minutes sooner than I
would've liked, but I really had to talk to them before I got on the
plane. We finished our cigarettes and I hugged and kissed her goodbye.
I could feel the tears welling up and the paniced scream that I always
feel in my heart when I have to leave home…."I want to stay…Don't
go….take me with you…" It's always a jumbled, frantic mess in my
mind as I'm saying good bye and I know I'm about to sob. We let go and
I can see her crying and she gets in her car and I'm standing there,
watching her leave. And as she's pulling away, she takes one more
glance at me over her shoulder. That's when I lose it. I start sobbing.
I know that glance…I know that last look you take before someone you
love, leaves. It just killed me.
This part of this song takes me to that moment.
Every time.
Then I start to remember all the memories I made that vacation.
It was the best vacation home I'd had in years and I made some pretty incredible memories. Amazing memories.
It
was the trip that made me realize how loved I am even after all these
years away and how much I love the people I left behind.
The trip that made me ache for home and everyone there like I haven't in years.
I belong there.
I can't wait to go back home….
********************************************** end ************************************

I had a fantastic day today. I watched Joey until about noon and then Danielle hung out until 3pm and we got to talk a lot and it was so nice. Kim stopped by and she traded bottles of wine with me, so now I have the right one…
And I will be drinking that tonight.

I had a great day…but I'm really homesick.
Today was Gabby's (my niece) birthday party day. My cousin and her husband, my auntie and all the kids were up at my sister's for Gabby's party. I miss them. I can't wait until I can be there for parties like this. And then tomorrow being Mother's Day. I haven't been with my mom on  a Mother's Day in years. I've never been with my sister on a Mother's Day. Not yet, anyway….
My sister said it was beautiful out..not too hot, not too cold.
Absolutely Perfect.

So although I had an awesome day, my heart is just a little blah…
So the wine will be drank tonight.
ha!